


Wishing, Hoping, Changing

by DawnOfTomorrow



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Doubt, Happy Ending – I promise, Lack of Communication, M/M, Mental Illness, Secrets, Semi-Confident Yuuri, Victor needs a hug, Victor needs to talk to Yuuri, Yuuri jumps to conclusions, insecure Victor, lying, supportive Yuuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:34:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 47
Words: 37,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26791471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DawnOfTomorrow/pseuds/DawnOfTomorrow
Summary: Yuuri has noticed that something has been different with Victor lately. After the high of his silver medal wore off and they moved to Russia, the other man withdrew, first emotionally, then physically as well. Yuuri wants to help but doesn’t know what the problem is – until he finds something in Victor’s closet that makes all his worst nightmares come true.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 74
Kudos: 119





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn’t even surprising anymore. Three months after moving to St. Petersburg to be with Victor, things were… awful. All wrong. Victor was withdrawn, hardly even looked at him. They slept in the same bed, but only just – Victor at one edge, his back turned, Yuuri at the other.

They trained together, ate meals together, and lived together… but Yuuri had never felt more alone. He knew that there was something off, of course, but he didn’t know whether it was something he had done, or something… else.

Laying awake at night, he came up with all sorts of horrible ideas – Victor was dying, Victor had gotten sick of him, Victor had someone else, Victor didn’t want to skate with him, Victor wanted him to go back home… an endless number of horror scenarios.

At first, he figured that Victor needed some space after having been stuck so close to him during the GP… but as soon as he tried to give Victor some space, it got a hundred times worse, and he didn’t have it in him to… push when he could feel he wasn’t wanted.

He wasn’t that sort of person. He was, however, a worrier… and he tried to keep himself busy best as he could. At first, he just cleaned things. The floors, the bathroom, the windows. Whenever he had free time, which was far too often in his opinion.

Next came the organising – everything of his in the flat was nearly ordered, re-ordered and rearranged until he was happy with it. When THAT didn’t help anymore, he set about doing the same with Victor’s things. Not that the man wasn’t tidy or anything, but Yuuri actually folded his socks.

It was when he was rearranging Victor’s clothes by colour, that he found ‘it’.

The thing.

The thing that, he was sure, was the end of their relationship.

Victor was off at some event, or so he’d said. He had no idea that Yuuri had found… the thing. It was hidden – not particularly well, though – in the back of the closet, by some suits Victor didn’t really wear.

The material had caught his eye – velvet, in a dark shade of green. He’d pulled on it, expecting something like a folded-up blanket. Maybe some sort of coat, or even an old skating costume that had found its way into the closet.

Of course, he knew it wasn’t THAT because he knew every single costume that Victor had worn during his career.

He certainly hadn’t been prepared for what it was – it came off the hanger easily, given that it was only held by two thin straps.

A dress. A dark green velvet… dress.

It obviously wasn’t his, and Victor didn’t own any either, which meant… which meant it was someone else’s. And there was only one possibility – a woman.

Yuuri felt hot tears burning in his eyes as he stared at the fabric – then the first fell.

Victor had… a woman. Had had her in THEIR bedroom, apparently.

He watched in morbid fascination as tears soaked the fabric, turning it almost black. Victor was withdrawn because he had someone else… and not just anyone, but someone that had something Yuuri could never give him.

A woman. He knew Victor liked both, but he had never TRULY considered that… that there was someone else. He had no idea who. Another skater? Someone Victor met at an event? A fan?

He wasn’t sure it mattered.

When he stopped shaking enough to do so, he stood to look at the dress more closely. Whoever it belonged to was tall but slim – no doubt the owner was gorgeous. He almost sobbed when he spotted a single hair clinging to the back of the dress.

He picked it up and looked at it more closely – it was a very light blonde and had to be more than shoulder length. There went any last hope he’d had that it was some sort of costume maybe, or a joke, or literally anything else.

Clearly… not. Victor had a lover – a tall, blonde woman. Everything Yuuri was not. The dress was expensive as well, or at least looked it, as little as he knew about things like that. The dress was stained with his tears in a few places now – and he’d crashed some of the velvet in a few places.

Yuuri didn’t have it in himself to be sorry, or even to pretend.

Throwing the blasted thing across the room, he watched it crumple into a heap above the trashcan he usually used for things like tissues, or even the odd protein bar wrapper. Angrily wiping his tears, Yuuri tried to figure out what to do.

What was someone supposed to do when they figured out their partner was cheating? He’d seen enough dramas to know that he really only had three options – to just leave, to pretend he hadn’t seen, and to confront Victor.

Every single one of those options was absolutely awful. He couldn’t ignore it, no matter what, and he didn’t want to just… leave either.

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear Victor admit it, or maybe deny it. Maybe he just needed Victor to say it himself, to make it more… real.

Yuuri collapsed onto the couch in the living room, trying to work out how long he had before Victor would come back.

By his count, about an hour, no more.

An hour to think about what to say. What to do. How to confront the man he’d thought was the love of his life about… about cheating on him with a woman.

Yuuri cursed loudly, in every language he knew how to, even though he normally didn’t like profanity. He _deserved_ it.

A sudden noise nearly startled him off the couch – the sound of the door opening. Yuuri hastily wiped his cheeks again and tried to ready himself for whatever was to come – even if he wasn’t ready.


	2. Chapter 2

Victor walked in like he always did – petting Makka as he stepped past her and took his shoes off.

Yuuri watched silently as he hung up his jacket and stretched – exactly like he did every other time he came home. He idly wondered if he’d find marks on the other man if he saw him naked – had he been with her… recently? Had she been in their flat on the days Yuuri trained and Victor didn’t?

He fought a wave of nausea, just as Victor looked over at him. He saw the exact moment Victor realised that something was… wrong.

“Y-Yuuri? What’s going on? Are you okay? Did something happen?”

He fought another sob at the obvious… concern that was audible in Victor’s voice. It felt so cheap, all of a sudden. He tried to find the words to say what was going on, to explain, to ask, to accuse even, but he couldn’t.

Instead he stood, before stumbling into the bedroom and picking up the dress. Before he could think better of it, he practically sprinted back to the living room, where Victor was sitting on the couch, and threw the dress at him. It didn’t fly far enough, crumpled to a pitiful pile just before Victor’s feet.

Yuuri didn’t have it in him to look at Victor’s face. What would he see? Shock? Anger?

“I found this. When I was tidying things up.” He forced out, his voice breaking pitifully.

Yuuri stared at his feet, trying to fight the way he was shaking. He didn’t want to show weakness – not now.

“I see.” Victor’s voice sounded… it sounded like he felt.

Yuuri’s head snapped up almost of its own volition. He had no idea what he’d expected to see there – but it wasn’t the almost broken sadness he found. Victor was crying too – but he didn’t know why.

He picked up – with shaky fingers, Yuuri noted – the dress and held it up between them.

“You… found this.” Victor said.

“Y-Yes. Do you have something to say?”

He desperately hoped that he would, somehow, explain it all away.

“What do you want me to say? That… I’m sorry?”

A pit opened up in Yuuri’s stomach, even worse than before.

“Ah. I don’t know. I thought that… that you’d have something to say. An explanation maybe. Or… something. Anything.”

Yuuri shifted around a little. There were only a few feet between him and the couch, but it felt like miles.

“I don’t know what I could tell you. I can only… imagine how disgusted you must feel.”

Yuuri closed his eyes for a few seconds, taking a deep breath.

“Wouldn’t you? If you found our that your partner was cheating on you with someone else – a woman, no less?”

It was a rhetorical question.

Yuuri wasn’t prepared for the reaction though. The dress fell from Victor’s fingers almost in slow motion. He watched as it sailed to the ground and once again crumpled.

The next moment, Victor had closed the gap between them and wrapped himself around Yuuri – or at least part of him. He was on his knees, arms wrapped around Yuuri’s thighs, his face pressed against his legs too.

Yuuri nearly fell from the sudden impact of the other embracing him, and it took him a moment to realise that the other man was trembling and shaking his head ‘no’ at the same time.

Victor was saying something, but the sound of his own blood rushing in his ears drowned out the words.

His hand clamped on Victor’s shoulder for balance, and also to get his attention.

When the Russian looked up, his expression was one of pure horror – very different from the defeat he’d seen there moments before.

He didn’t understand anything anymore.

When a moment later, darkness overwhelmed him, he was almost glad.


	3. Chapter 3

Yuuri woke up in a bed – his bed. Their bed.

It took him several minutes to piece together what had happened. His mind was sluggish and wouldn’t quite put the pieces together – it didn’t help that the pieces didn’t fit together either.

Sitting up with a groan, he rubbed his eyes – he’d cried again, apparently.

A sudden motion to his left nearly had him jumping off the bed. Standing in the far corner of the room was Victor, leaning against the wall.

He looked... Tired. Worn out.

“What happened?” He asked, his voice croaky.

“I’m not sure. You passed out on me. Nearly hit your head on the cabinet. I only just caught you. You were only passed out for a few minutes…”

Passed out... From shock. That his lover was cheating.

Right.

“Yuuri, before you officially break up with me, I need to tell you something. Well, two things.”

The bitter taste that flooded his mouth nearly made him gag. ‘Before you break up with me’ – like it was an inevitability. Like it was a given that their life together was over for good.

He gave a meek nod.

Victor cleared his throat.

“The first thing is that... That I love you. With all my heart. I have since the day I met you, and I always will.”

Hearing that didn’t cause the same pleasant flush in him it usually did. Just a gaping emptiness.

“And the other?” he asked, wanting to get it over with.

Victor shuddered quietly.

“I have not cheated on you. Ever. I WOULD never. I couldn’t. I... swear it. By everything that’s important to me, I SWEAR I’ve not so much as looked at someone other than you since that banquet when we first met.”

Yuuri laughed bitterly.

“Why should I believe you? The dress had a HAIR on it. Long, blonde, not like either of ours. It was IN OUR BEDROOM, Victor.”

The other man flinched with nearly every word.

“Yes, it was. And I... I have an explanation, if you’re willing to listen? I understand if you’d rather just leave.”

Yuuri was surprised at himself – he’d expected to just want to go but a large part of him... wanted to know. Wanted there to be a plausible excuse for what he’d found.

He stared at Victor, waiting for him to speak.

“It’s... Mine. My dress.”

Yuuri wanted to laugh but contained himself.

“You expect me to believe that you have a dress?”

Victor wouldn’t meet his eyes, but he could just make out the other man was trembling, and that tears were flowing down his cheeks again.

“I do. I have... more than that. It’s... true that I’ve been keeping a secret and I know that its disgusting and wrong, but I didn’t know what to do, and I know that you’ll leave now either way, but I NEED you to know I didn’t cheat. Please... please break up for me for what I DID, and not for what I didn’t do.”

Yuuri listened to each impassioned word, trying to make sense.

“You have... more?”

Victor nodded and gently kicked a box by his side to draw Yuuri’s attention to it. He vaguely recognised it – it usually sat on top of their cupboard. It was where Victor kept some old costumes – or so he’d said.

When the older man picked up the box and dropped it on the foot of the bed almost as if he was disgusted by it, Yuuri found himself torn.

To look or not to look – whatever he found, could it really be worse than what he had assumed already?

His fingers reached for the lid of the box on their own. He pulled off the lid, discarding it next to himself.

Sitting up on his knees, he reached for the first thing in the box. It was indeed an old costume. He shot Victor a questioning look, but the other man wasn’t looking at him at all, even had his back turned. He could make out a faint tremble in Victor’s shoulders.

So, Yuuri kept digging. Another costume later, he spotted something different – denim.

Pulling on it, he found it to be... A denim skirt. He dropped it like the costumes, and blindly reached for item after item. A blouse. A short summer dress. A pleated skirt. An off-shoulder, and decidedly feminine sweater. Maybe a dozen or two items in total, before the contents changed again.

Underneath the clothes, he found some boxes. The first and heaviest contained jewellery – mostly fakes and costume pieces, he noted. Clip on earrings, necklaces, bracelets.

He put it aside. Next was another similar box, with makeup. Not like the subtle stuff Victor had in the bathroom. Not plain lip balms or concealer or even that stuff he used for performances. Yuuri saw red lipsticks, eye shadow, things he couldn’t begin to name. On the inside lid of the box, he found two things – a little mirror, and a small photo... Of himself. Of Yuuri.

Taped next to the mirror. A mirror... meant to help someone do their makeup. Yuuri carefully set the box aside and pulled out a plastic bag. Inside he found a wrapped something that turned out to be... A wig.

It only took him a moment to figure it out. The blonde hair on the dress hadn’t been blonde, it had been silver – and it belonged to the silver wig he was holding. It was clearly high quality and when worn, probably reached to just past the wearer’s shoulders.

Not... Not unlike Victor’s hair had when he had been younger.

He dropped the wig and looked back into the box. There were some magazines, women’s fashion stuff. Nothing particularly shocking.

Beneath them, he found something else that was – some women’s underwear, packed in its own little corner, almost like even in the box it was hidden away.

It was the last thing in there. Yuuri was left staring at the bottom of the box, no wiser than before.

“This... is yours?” He asked Victor, hoping the other man would make sense of it all when he couldn’t.

“Y-Yes. I’m sorry I kept if from you.”

“I-I don’t understand.”

Slowly, Victor turned around and stepped a little closer. He bent at the hip to lick up the wig that had slipped to the ground. He ran his fingers through the hair and then through his own, pushing back his fringe.

“I’m not sure what there is to say.” He began, before twisting his head in a strange motion. A moment later, he pulled the wig on and flipped it back, adjusting something invisible in the back in a practiced motion.

In a PRACTICED motion.

Yuuri felt himself sway a little, his mind racing. The wig looked... like Victor’s hair had when he was younger, or at least nearly so.

He said he owned the clothes? There was a picture of him in the makeup box. Victor had been keeping it secret. From him.

“Victor... Are you... trans?” He asked, trying to keep his voice even and failing.

The Russian flinched, then slowly shook his head.


	4. Chapter 4

“No. Not really. Or maybe. I don’t know what the word is for people like me.”

Victor spun, the hair fluttering with the sudden motion.

Victor seemed to have forgotten it was even there.

“I don’t... want to be a woman. I don’t want... The parts. You know. I never did. I just... I don’t like who I am, Yuuri. I never have. It’s my biggest secret.”

“You don’t want to be a woman.” Yuuri repeated, slowly putting the pieces together. “But you like to dress up as one? Is it... A sex thing?”

To his surprise, Victor laughed.

“That stuff? No, not at all. It doesn’t arouse me to wear dresses or whatever. I just... I just... feel like myself when I do.”

Yuuri watched Victor’s shoulders shake as more sobs tore themselves from him.

“You feel like yourself... In women’s clothing? And with... long hair, and makeup and all that?”

Victor gave a terse nod.

“I try to be normal, I really do. I just... sometimes when I get stressed and you’re not here, it helps me to dress up in some of this. I’m not... I don’t think I’m trans? I just wish I could be... both, maybe? No that’s not right. Yuuri... I... I don’t know. What I am. I’m so sorry you found out like this. I never wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry.”

Yuuri rubbed his face with both hands, staring at the mostly empty box before him.

“You... Own this. All of this. And you kept it secret. You want to... Live like a woman. And... and the dress...?”

Victor shrugged, shuffling a little.

“You came home early last time I had it out. I didn’t have time to put it away, and then I forgot. You know how I am.”

Yeah, he did know.

Or did he?

Yuuri drew a shuddering breath.

“I... I...” He wasn’t sure what he was even trying to say, before he finally figured out a safe option. “I’m going to take Makka for a walk.”

Without giving Victor the chance to reply, he got up, grabbed his jacket on the way out, and practically sprinted to Makka to clip her leash on.

She was all too happy when he led her to the park, but all he did was collapse onto a bench and watch as she zoomed around the enclosed space.

Victor...

It was all he could think about. What he’d learned. He still wasn’t sure whether he believed it, really. He had been sure, deep down in his soul, that Victor was cheating. His explanation was ridiculous... But it made a bizarre amount of sense as well. He dismissed the thought that it was Victor trying to cover up his affair. That was just too dumb, when a simpler story like Mila leaving a dress or something would have made more sense.

That suggested that it was true and that was even harder to accept.

Not that Victor felt that way, but that somehow Yuuri hadn’t known. Hadn’t noticed. He’d thought things were... Fine.

Had been fine.

And Victor... Had been silently suffering. He wondered if anyone knew, but then thought not. Victor was private, he wouldn’t just tell someone randomly. If anything he’d tell Yuuri... But he hadn’t.

He’d kept it secret because... Yuuri frowned.

Why HAD he kept it secret?

It wasn’t like he didn’t already know about plenty of awful habits Victor had, what with how he didn’t put away his plates after eating, and when left to his own devices only changed the bedsheets once a month if that.

They knew each other so well – or so he’d thought, at least. Victor knew his embarrassing fanboy past, even.

Yet the other man hadn’t felt comfortable telling him, because...

Yuuri say on the bench and stared until his face hurt from frowning. He simply couldn’t figure it out – the reason why Victor didn’t tell him.

It didn’t help that his memory of their confrontation was oddly shaky. It had only been a few hours at most, but he struggled to remember parts of it.

When he finally got up to go back home, it was still the same question that burned in Yuuri’s mind.

Why had Victor not told him? He needed to know.

It was that determination that even gave him the strength to unlock their front door and step inside when he got back.


	5. Chapter 5

Victor was waiting inside, on the couch. He was staring at a cup of tea – completely full, yet also cold. He could tell from looking at how the milk had separated and settled at the bottom.

He realised with a start that Victor had probably spent his time exactly like Yuuri had.

Sitting, thinking, processing.

He gulped.

“I’m home.”

His soft voice almost echoed in the room, it was so quiet.

Victor didn’t respond.

He went into the bedroom to change into something else, and found that the mess was cleared off the bed – and after a glance to the top of the wardrobe, he couldn’t find it there either. Had Victor thrown it away?

He stepped back outside and awkwardly picked up the cold tea to pour away before making them both a new cup and handing one to Victor, who still hadn’t spoken to him.

“Can we talk?” He eventually asked when the Russian didn’t say anything.

A small nod was the only reaction he got.

“Did you... throw the box away?”

Another nod.

“Why?”

Victor shrugged.

“It seemed like the thing to do. To get rid of all… that.”

Yuuri nodded slowly, not that he could understand the logic there.

“I need to know something. Why… why did you never tell me? I thought we were honest with each other.”

He watched Victor flinch, not for the first time.

“I… couldn’t. I didn’t want to lose you. If you found out that I’m this… this disgusting person, you’d break up with me. I know you don’t want that… side of me.”

He gasped, the pieces slowly slotting into place.

“You thought that I… would…”

“Yuuri, I know that you’re a gay man. You like other men. Whatever I may be, I’m clearly not… that. So, you couldn’t love that. I really hoped you’d never know.”

That made sense… in a really, really warped way.

“Victor, I’ve loved you since I was 14. Did you think that you liking women’s clothes would change that?”

To his surprise, Victor absolutely slammed his teacup on the table, hard enough for some of the liquid to slosh over the edge and drip on the table and subsequently the floor.

“It’s not just THAT! Not everything that’s wrong with me fits in a box in the bedroom, Yuuri!”

It was his turn to flinch, as he watched Victor jump up and pace the floor before him. He stayed quiet, keen to hear what Victor had to say.

“Everything about me is fake! This whole… my persona, for the media, you already know about that, but it’s more. I’m not… I know I act like it but being that stereotypical ‘man’ isn’t me! I don’t WANT to take charge all the time. I’m not… dominant, I’m not manly. I know I SHOULD be, but…”

Yuuri stared on as Victor all but yelled at him but stayed quiet. Clearly, Victor wasn’t done.

“Our entire relationship, it’s always been me, pushing. Me taking the first step. Me leading. Even in the bedroom. And Yuuri, please don’t get me wrong. Being with you is… great. I’ve never BEEN happier, but it’s not me. I thought maybe it would go away, but it hasn’t.”

Yuuri blushed faintly as he listened – he’d had no idea. The first time they’d had sex, Victor had taken the lead – he’d never questioned it. It seemed to fit with his personality, anyway, and it meant that he didn’t have to come out of his own shell quite so far.

“I know you don’t want me like that, so I tried to be different. I’ve never tried so hard Yuuri, but I knew I would slip up sooner or later, and now… now it’s all over.”

Yuuri made an irritated noise in the back of his throat.

Was it all over? He’d thought it was when he’d been so sure that Victor had cheated, but…

“You… didn’t cheat on me, right? There isn’t anyone else?” He asked, carefully sipping some of his tea though he no longer felt like it at all. He could see how Victor’s tea had gone cold. 

Victor huffed.

“No. There isn’t. I would never. If… if you believe nothing else, please believe that. I love you, more than I have words for it. I would never cheat on you.”

Yuuri nodded slowly, set the cup down and stood.

His fingers played with his engagement ring for the first time… weeks. Months, maybe.

He stepped over to Victor, his heart racing in his chest.

“So there isn’t anyone else. And you… still love me. That part wasn’t… fake?”

Victor shook his head.

“Of course it wasn’t. You KNOW it wasn’t.”

Yuuri watched as his hand crossed the gap between them, for the first time since he’d found that dress. His fingers settled on Victor’s arm, as light as a feather. The second he made contact, a fresh batch of tears started running down Victor’s cheeks, though the man held completely still.

“I…” Yuuri began, before pausing. He wanted, no needed to get what he was about to say right. “I listened to you, and now you need to listen to me, okay?” He asked.

Victor nodded meekly.

“Okay. Okay.” Yuuri said, his voice finding a bit of its strength back as he looked up into those sky-blue eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

“Victor Nikiforov… you are a complete and utter IDIOT!” Yuuri said, his voice firm. He didn’t pay any attention to the other man’s flinch, just continued on.

“I cannot BELIEVE that after everything we’ve already been through, all the drama, the misunderstandings, the pain, the joy, after EVERYTHING! That I would seriously break up with you over this. If I WAS going to break up with you over something it’d be because you LIED to me! You KEPT this from me! We are supposed to be a team and you hid something really important from me!”

With each word, Yuuri felt himself stand taller, the cocktail of emotions in him slowly refining into just one thing – anger. He was MAD at Victor.

“You, all on your own, decided that I couldn’t handle this, that I would somehow NOT WANT YOU because of something like this? Victor ALL I’VE EVER WANTED was for you to be HAPPY!”

He paused to take a breath, steadying his shaking hands.

“I’m really sorry if I haven’t made that clear before, I thought I had. I want you to be happy. I want to MAKE you happy, because I love you.”

“You don’t even know me. Yuuri… I don’t even know me. What if I’m not… lovable? What if who I am isn’t worth loving?”

He could feel how deeply Victor thought this – and he had no idea how disabuse him of the notion.

With a whoosh, his anger drained from him and left behind only exhaustion, more emotional than physical.

“Well… Why don’t we find out? Together? Victor, I don’t want us to be over. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. With YOU. All of you. Even the parts I didn’t know about.”

After a long moment of silence, Victor laughed quietly and wiped the tears of his cheeks with his sleeves.

“You sound so sure…”

Yuuri cheered internally – it seemed like he was getting through to the other man, finally.

“That’s because I AM sure. I’ve never been MORE sure. You think I would have come to Russia if I hadn’t been sure? It’s not a small thing.”

Victor mumbled something in Russian that he didn’t catch, before launching himself forwards and crushing Yuuri into a hug – though mostly, the taller man seemed to hold on to him for balance.

Yuuri held him, of course.

“Is this why you’ve been so distant?”

Victor nodded into his shoulder.

“It’s been… difficult. Getting more difficult over time. I just didn’t know what to do anymore.”

Yuuri hummed.

“And you want to try too? To work through this? With me?” He was acutely aware that Victor hadn’t actually said so yet.

“Yuuri… of course. I don’t want to lose you. I’ll do anything if I can keep you in my life. Even if… even if you ask me to go back to pretending. I promise. I just want-” Yuuri shushed him with a hard look.

“No. Don’t. No pretending. Not ever again. We’ll work through this but you NEED to be honest this time. Please. Just… please. Promise me.”

For a long time, Victor held still, then gave a small nod.

Yuuri nearly collapsed from relief.

“I promise I’ll do my best to try. I don’t know if I can promise that I’ll get it right all the time.”

Yuuri nodded as well.

“That’s fair. I understand. For now… for now, shall we go to bed? We’re both exhausted, I think.”

Victor laughed weakly.

“I can barely stand upright at this point. I was tired before I came home, but when you… especially when you passed out. I lost five years of my life right there.”

Yuuri chuckled weakly.

“That’s how I felt when I saw that dress. I can’t believe I actually passed out. It was just… too much. I don’t even really remember now.”

Victor shrugged and pulled back slightly.

“It’s… fine? Right? It doesn’t matter anymore? You… believe me? That I didn’t cheat.”

He breathed a soft sigh.

“I believe you. It just… everything seemed to fit so perfectly. How you were acting. The dress. Everything.”

The Russian nodded.

“I realised. When you were gone. I realised… a lot of things.”

“Do you want to talk about them?” Yuuri asked, cautiously.

Victor shook his head. “Maybe. Not yet. Eventually. But not… yet. It’s nothing bad anyway, I promise. Just some… let’s just call them personal epiphanies.”

That made Yuuri even more curious, but he shook it off.

“Let’s go to bed.”

Victor smiled weakly, and he led them both back to the bedroom. They changed clothes in silence, slipping under the covers like usual. Well, almost anyway. Instead of staying at the edge, Victor turned to him.

“Could I…can you…?” The Russian seemed to struggle to find the right words, but Yuuri was fairly sure he understood anyway.

“Do you want me to hold you?”

Victor nodded, and Yuuri was fairly sure that he was blushing. Instead of saying anything, he shifted until he was laying in the right position and stretched his arms out. Normally, Victor tucked Yuuri under his chin and wrapped his arms around him. This time… this time Victor pressed his forehead against Yuuri’s shoulder, his nose rubbing along his collarbone, hands curled in front of himself.

Yuuri could feel how incredibly tense the other man was, and wrapped his arms around him the way Victor normally did to him.

It felt a little odd, a little awkward at first, but once Victor’s tension drained away and he relaxed into the hold, Yuuri rather liked it. He pulled Victor closer, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

Victor’s fingers clenched into the side and front of his shirt, and before Yuuri could think any further than that, sleep overtook him.


	7. Chapter 7

Yuuri woke up more comfortable than he’d been in a long time, if in a different position than usual.

He was on his back, Victor half on top of him, head pillowed on his chest, an arm and leg thrown across Yuuri’s body. The older man was still asleep, which gave Yuuri time to think.

In theory anyway. In practice he failed to even find a place to START thinking about things. The night before seemed like a vague dream now, a strange mix of nightmare and daydream.

Stretching awkwardly, he decided that rather than laying around thinking, he should probably do… something.

Fiddling around on his nightstand, he pulled out his phone. It was a bit awkward with just one hand, but he managed to type in what he wanted.

The results were… discouraging. At first anyway. After a few more tries, he found what he needed. Found several options, actually. That was a bit more reassuring. He switched to his text app and quickly typed a message to Yakov, taking the day off. He wasn’t sure if their coach would believe that they’d developed a spontaneous cold, but he knew that Yakov probably knew that if he took time, it was for a good reason.

Unlike Victor, he wasn’t one to skip skating practice for any reason, really.

Their coach didn’t reply – Yuuri took it as affirmation. The alternative was usually a phone call and yelling.

Heart racing, Yuuri put his phone down and looked down at Victor, getting ready to wake him up – only to find that he was already awake, looking up at Yuuri.

He flinched in surprise – he hadn’t noticed at all.

“Good morning. Have you been awake long?” He greeted the other man.

“No. A minute or two. You seemed pretty… engrossed in what you were doing there.”

Yuuri shrugged.

“I was planning something for today. If you’re interested. We could… go and do something? Together?”

Victor frowned.

“Practice?”

“Cancelled.”

The Russian stretched and yawned.

“In that case, I’m all yours. Where are we going?”

Yuuri grinned. “It’s a secret. Come on, get up and get dressed so we can go.”

“You’re not normally so… eager in the mornings.” Victor observed as Yuuri got up and dug for clothes in their wardrobe.

He was right of course, but Yuuri was running mostly on nervous energy – he wanted to GO already! Thankfully, Victor didn’t particularly push him, and instead just got dressed alongside him.

While he made them tea and some breakfast, Yuuri made a quick call – for a cab. His Russian was good enough to accomplish something that simple by now – how the rest of the day would go, well that remained to be seen.

He could tell that Victor was still tense, and so was he – but maybe, where they were going would help with that a little.

They ate in silence, and when the bell rung, Yuuri took Victor down to the cab. He could practically smell the other man’s curiosity, but he was determined not to say anything until Victor asked.

Well, the other man caved about ten minutes into the cab ride.

“Where are we going? You haven’t said a word!”

Yuuri grinned.

“I know! It’s a surprise. I think you’ll like it.”

He half-expected Victor to push, and for a moment he thought he would, but then Victor simply shrugged and leaned back in the seat.

“Okay. I trust you.”

That was… for some reason, it flustered Yuuri and he hid his blush by looking out of the far window.

In total, it was a 25-minute drive before the cab dropped them off at their destination – a small mall. Not the sort of place they normally went to – not when Victor lived close to several much bigger ones that were more convenient to go to.

Well, not for what Yuuri had in mind. They were in an admittedly somewhat seedier part of town – but the mall itself seemed nice enough. Victor didn’t comment when Yuuri linked their arms and led him inside, at least not until Yuuri started to study the map, trying to find the first of the shops that interested him.

“Need help reading it?” Victor offered.

Yuuri smiled at him. “Mh, no. I’m just looking for a specific shop.”

“So you’re really taking me… shopping? You hate shopping.”

“I do. But, I want to spend time with you and it’s something you enjoy. Besides, I don’t hate ALL shopping.”

Just the trips on which Victor bought HIM things – which, unfortunately, were most of them.

Spotting his target, he eagerly pulled Victor in the right direction. The shop wasn’t small per se, but it was tucked away in a corner, with a relatively subtle exterior. At a glance, he’d have probably missed it… but Yuuri knew what was inside it.

Taking a deep breath, he pulled Victor through the sliding door, praying he hadn’t made a mistake.


	8. Chapter 8

Studying Victor’s blank expression for a few seconds, Yuuri wasn’t so sure he’d done the right thing. The other man seemed… confused, at best.

“What is this place?” He eventually asked, just as Yuuri was about to ask him if he was okay.

“It’s… it’s a shop for performers. Err, drag performers among other things. They have… women’s clothes but designed to fit male bodies.”

Yuuri held his breath, hoping that Victor would, at least, not be mad.

“And we’re here because…”

“Because you threw your stuff away? And… and I want to make sure that you know that… it’s okay. That I want to support you. And that I don’t… mind. I thought maybe you’d enjoy… this. The internet said this was a good place, with nice staff as well.”

Victor nodded slowly, his eyes studying the shop for a few more moments.

“Okay… okay. I don’t… I’ve never bought things like this in person. Only online. I was too… embarrassed. I still am.”

Yuuri nodded.

“Okay… if you want to go, we can. There’s a café here and we can just have some coffee and go home if you’d rather that. No pressure.”

He gave Victor his most reassuring smile. The other man took his hand, after a few seconds, and hesitantly stepped further into the store.

“Maybe we can… look?” He asked, and Yuuri’s smile brightened even more. So Victor WAS interested.

He followed the older man as he walked through the rows of clothes. There was a surprisingly large selection of stuff – more than he’d expected. It was just like any other store, with sections for different things. Yuuri felt a little out of place, but Victor seemed interested enough.

He didn’t touch anything though – only looked from a few steps away. When they’d gone through all the rows, Victor hesitantly turned around to look at Yuuri.

“I don’t… don’t you think this will look bad on me? I’m not exactly a feminine shape.”

Yuuri shrugged. “I think you’re beautiful. I always have, and I always will. Why don’t you just… try some things on? Do you know your size? I don’t know what sizes they use here.”

Victor chuckled softly.

“If you’re sure.”

Instead of answering, Yuuri picked up a nearby dress – a short, yellow thing – and looked for the tag.

“I’m not trying on THAT!” Victor said from beside him.

Yuuri grinned. “You’re not supposed to, I just wanted to see what sizes they use. Ohh, looks like it’s both women’s and men’s.”

He put the dress back.

“Well, did you see something you liked?”

The Russian gave him an amused look before walking over to another rack of dresses and hesitantly picking two of them out and holding them up. One was a light beige colour and quite loosely cut, the other was a dark pink and a lot more form-fitting – Yuuri thought they both looked nice enough.

Seeing that Victor was faltering, Yuuri took them, slung them over his arm, and encouraged him to pick up more.

It seemed like Victor got more and more of his confidence back with each passing minute – soon, Yuuri’s arms were full of things for Victor to try on. Victor seemed hesitant again, when they headed to the dressing rooms, especially as it took them past the lone shopkeeper. The middle-aged woman smiled at them as they walked past, and nodded a hello.

In the changing rooms, Victor quickly snatched the things Yuuri had carried and disappeared into a room. He’d expected to follow him in – he usually did. Yuuri felt incredibly awkward standing in front of the closed door as he waited for Victor to try on the things they’d grabbed.

“Would you like to pick out some more things for your boyfriend?” a low voice asked him in slow English. He spun to look at the owner – the shopkeeper. She was smiling at him, and Yuuri realised with a start that ‘she’ wasn’t a she at all – at least not based on her voice.

He chuckled.

“I don’t… know what he likes. Or what would look good. I only just… found out that he likes this type of thing.”

The sales assistant nodded and studied the closed door for a second.

“Well, if I may give you some advice – I’ve had this shop for fifteen years now, and I’ve seen all sorts of types come through here. Yours… I think he’d be happy to try on ANYTHING you brought him. He seems a bit shy, no?”

Yuuri was about to deny it, but then thought better of it.

“It’s… new for him to be open about it too.”

She nodded. “Come with me, I’ll recommend you some things.”

Yuuri nodded again and followed her towards the register, where a rack of seemingly mismatched things stood. Victor hadn’t gone close to the register at all, so they hadn’t passed it before – Yuuri hadn’t even noticed that he’d avoided the only other person in the shop on purpose.

“Here are some fancier dresses. Maybe one of these?”

Yuuri looked at the selection – one caught his eye. A dark red dress made from a glittery fabric with gold accents. He pointed it out, and the shopkeeper handed it to him. After some hesitation, he also pointed at a green, similarly long gown – the bitter memory of the dress he’d found was still fresh on his mind, but if that was Victor’s style… the dress was nice, at least.

Next was another rack – with shoes. Here, at least, he knew Victor’s size, and easily picked out three neutral pairs in black that would probably fit. They were all heels – there weren’t any flats.

“I think I’ll go check on him, if that’s okay.” He said to the shopkeeper, who had taken his selection from him for the moment.

“Of course. Take your time.”

Yuuri walked back to the changing room to find that Victor still hadn’t come out. He knocked gently.

“Is everything okay?”


	9. Chapter 9

Victor sighed. “Yes. Sorry I’m taking so long. I just… don’t know. If it’s okay for you to see me… like this.”

Yuuri leaned his forehead against the door of the room.

“I promise, I’ll still be attracted to you, no matter what you wear, okay? And if it really doesn’t look good, we’ll pick something else.”

After what had to be the longest pause in history, Victor mumbled a quiet ‘okay’ and unlocked the little door to step outside.

Yuuri carefully kept his face in a small smile as he studied Victor. The other man was visibly uncomfortable – and wearing the beige dress. His hair, Yuuri noted, he’d tussled, maybe even brushed out the gel, so that it hung a little lower than it had that morning.

“It looks really comfortable.” He said, and meant it – the soft fabric that fit Victor perfectly really did look like it would be perfect to lounge around in.

“So, it looks… okay?”

“Of course.” He replied automatically, motioning for Victor to spin around and show him the back. The older man did, relaxing a little. Yuuri quickly stepped up to him and hugged him from behind.

“It looks good on you. Why don’t you show me the rest? We should definitely get this one.” He said, mumbling into Victor’s shoulder.

The other man laughed weakly, but nodded.

Yuuri watched as Victor disappeared back into the room. After another minute, he came back out – in the pink dress.

Immediately, he scrunched his nose up in distaste.

“Sorry but no.” He said, studying the fabric. “It has ruching. In… the worst place.” He said, gesturing towards Victor’s hips. To his relief, the older man laughed.

“Yeah, I noticed. Definitely not, huh?”

He disappeared again.

Yuuri used the opportunity to dash back to the shopkeep and pick up his choices from before. He noticed she was busy with another customer – a slim young man rather like himself, who seemed very interested in… Yuuri did a double-take.

The young man was holding a soft pink sweater and a white, knee-length skirt that looked great together.

“Sorry to interrupt!” He said, in slow Russian as he approached them – thankfully neither seemed particularly bothered.

“That outfit, do you have it in other sizes too? Both pieces?” He switched back to English with the shop assistant.

“Oh sure, over here!” She quickly picked out both pieces and gave them to him.

“I think blue would look better on you.” The young man said in heavily accented English. Yuuri blushed and laughed awkwardly.

“It’s not for me! But I do wear blue a lot.”

“Why not try it on then? In blue?” The customer asked. “I’m sure you’d look hot.”

Blushing even harder, Yuuri shook his head.

“N-No, this isn’t my, uh, style. I just have to drop these off. Sorry and thanks!”

He dashed off, back to the room where Victor was waiting, seemingly a little annoyed. He was wearing a light-yellow blouse with a mid-length black pencil skirt. Yuuri’s blush returned easily.

“I like the skirt.” He liked it a lot, actually. More than he’d expected.

Victor winked at him. “The skirt it is then. Top?”

Yuuri shrugged.

“What have you got there?” Victor asked after a few seconds.

“Oh! This… is something else I’d like you to try on? If you want. I saw it and thought it would look good on you.” He held out the clothes to Victor, who took them without hesitation.

“Then I’ll try this next.” He said and slammed the door in Yuuri’s face.

Smiling, Yuuri waited for him to come back – he did, pretty quickly at that.

As expected, the combination suited him well. Victor spun on his own, as if to show it off.

“You like this?” The Russian asked him.

“Yes. It looks cute.”

“Then I’m definitely getting it. I’ll try on the other things now!”

Yuuri was a little surprised by how much more…chipper he’d seemed trying on what Yuuri had given him.

Next would be the two dresses. Yuuri’s heart sped up a little.

Victor hadn’t tried on any of the shoes yet – for the dress, he figured, he probably would.

To his surprise, the same customer he’d seen before walked in and disappeared into the adjacent changing room with his stuff. Yuuri heard faint cursing from Victor’s room, followed by a thump, then another, and a slight bang.

He was starting to get a little worried when the other customer stepped out of his own room, to look at himself in the mirror.

“What do you think?” He asked Yuuri – who immediately stuttered. What was he to say? The young man wore an almost neon green jumpsuit, nothing he’d have picked for Victor.

“The colour looks good on you.” He offered, not wanting to offend the man. He nodded decisively, before heading back into his room. Almost immediately, Victor’s door opened a little.

“Yuuri?”

“Hm?”

“Who…?”

“Another customer.”

“Ah.”

He wasn’t sure what it was, but something about Victor’s voice sounded a little miffed. Moments later, he stepped out of the changing room, and if Yuuri’s jaw had been physically capable of hitting the floor, it would have.

Victor was wearing the red dress, and it looked like it had been painted on to him. Yuuri vaguely noted that he was wearing a pair of the black heels and towering over Yuuri even more than usual, but all it did was make the dress look even better.

It had a slit, exposing part of Victor’s left leg, and the gold detailing on it caught the eye almost as much as its wearer did. He was honestly dumb-founded – and blushing, that much he could tell even without a mirror.

After a few moments of Victor looking at him and him looking at Victor, the other man cautiously shifted, leaning against the door of the changing room.

“You like?” Victor asked, something of the playful sexiness that had seduced Yuuri on the ice – and off it – so many times.

Unable to help himself, Yuuri reached out and took Victor’s hand, tugging him closer, and making him stumble… right into Yuuri’s arms. He spun the taller man around in a circle, almost like a dance.

“I really want to take you out to dinner in this. Maybe go dancing. You look gorgeous.” Victor shifted position so Yuuri really was holding him like it was a dance. Cautious of the shoes that Victor was clearly wobbling in, Yuuri led him through the steps of a simple waltz.

The joy on Victor’s face was something he hadn’t seen in a while – and something he’d missed. It was only when someone cleared their throat behind them that they jumped apart like teenagers caught making out.

They’d inadvertently blocked the other customer from getting out of his changing room. Before Yuuri could even apologise, the stranger said something to Victor in Russian – it was quick, far too quick for him to catch. His fiancé’s expression darkened a little, and he snapped back something equally quick.

The customer shrugged and walked off with his things.

“Victor?”

“Mh?”

“What was that?”

“Ah, that man asked if I was willing to… share you. I told him to ‘get bent’ I believe is the expression.”

Yuuri grinned.

“He saw you looking like this and was interested in ME?”

Victor’s laugh echoed through the small room as he walked back into the changing room change outfit yet again, and Yuuri felt really happy for the first time in weeks.


	10. Chapter 10

Shopping for women’s clothing with Victor was no less exhausting than shopping for men’s clothes, it turned out. Collapsed as he was in the café he’d spotted before, he was incredibly grateful that Victor had gone to get them drinks. Around him stood bags – so many bags. As it turned out, Victor had bought everything Yuuri had liked on him – including the eye-wateringly expensive red gown. He knew his lover could afford it, but even the shop keeper had looked a little surprised at the number of 0s on that receipt.

Unfortunately for Yuuri, they weren’t done yet – their next stop was an upmarket beauty brand that had a location on the top floor of the same small mall. He didn’t know if it was any good, but he figured since it was expensive, it probably had to be.

Accepting the latte that Victor brought over a minute later, he considered saying nothing at all and just going home… but then, with his stamina, he knew he could do better than to give in after one shop.

Even if his arms were going to tear off from all the bags.

He sipped his coffee and sighed in contentment.

“Are we going back after this?”

“Not yet. There is another stop to make if you want.” Yuuri pulled out his phone and showed Victor the page of the makeup brand. By the way the man whistled, he assumed he approved.

“It’s upstairs. If you want to go. I saw that they offer… type matching things and such. So they help you pick colours I think? I’m not actually sure, but I thought you might like it.”

Victor gave him a long look, accompanied by a soft smile.

“I do. Like it I mean. And I’m incredibly grateful that you’re being so… accepting. I feel horrible for keeping it secret when you’ve been nothing but amazing.”

Yuuri blushed a little.

“It’s nothing. I just… want you to be happy. Like I said. If you don’t mind, there is somewhere else I want to go to while you do the makeup thing? And could I leave the bags with you?”

He could see Victor’s curiosity, but he was determined not to reveal the last part of his plan – not when it was the biggest surprise of them all.

“Ok, sure… but we can go together later?”

He shook his head. “That’s okay. I don’t know about makeup anyway and I won’t be long. Promise.”

“Well, okay then.”

They had their drink in silence – but the nice, amicable kind, not the strained distance of the last few weeks.

They split at the escalator, with Victor taking the bags and Yuuri heading past the escalator to the exit. He stretched very briefly, before pulling out his phone to use as a map and running off – the place he wanted to go to was a fifteen minute walk away. Since he didn’t want to take too long, he decided running was the better option.

It was just over five minutes that it took him, and he arrived just a little out of breath. He couldn’t have made it with all those bags, he knew. Shaking off the thought, he stepped inside and greeted the old man that seemed to run the shop.

What they sold was obvious even from the outside – wigs. Lots of them, all sorts of shapes, and styles and lengths. Yuuri, who had one of Victor’s credit cards – with his permission, of course – simply asked for the best they had.

The old man disappeared in the back and came back with several options – all of them silver, as per his request. He listened to the explanation, in Russian as the man didn’t speak English, and did his best to work out what he was saying.

It seemed simple enough – he picked something called a lace-front wig, one that came unstyled and was at least hip-length, by his estimation. The owner showed him the hand-made wig up close – the detailing on it was quite incredible, really.

Of course, so was the price tag, but then, it wouldn’t do to get anything other than the best for the other man. He also asked for all the accessories he’d need – wig caps, and clips, and even glue that seemed outright suspicious to him.

The owner insisted it was high-quality stuff though, and Yuuri trusted him enough to believe it. Besides, next to a nearly $2000 dollar wig, the glue hardly mattered much. His purchases all packed up, he got ready to sprint back. The run back took him a bit longer, if only because he was held up by traffic a bit. He quickly headed up to the makeup store, mindful to calm down before going in – he didn’t want Victor to ask why he was out of breath.

“Yuuri!” A familiar voice called as soon as he stepped inside. Victor was sitting on a stool near the far end, two shop assistants poking his face with various different… things. Brushes, probably. He didn’t know.

“Hi there! Are you having fun?” He greeted Victor.

The older man grinned bashfully.

“Yes! This place is really great! They have lots of stuff I like. I’m almost done. Your timing was perfect.”

Relieved, Yuuri walked to a corner of the store that was completely taken up by bags – all of them theirs. He casually added the new one to the pile, while watching Victor chat to the assistants. They were all female, and all fawning over him.

He felt a familiar twinge of jealousy, as he did whenever attractive people flirted with Victor in front of him, but he smothered it, as he always did. Besides, it wasn’t like he wasn’t just as giddy at being with Victor sometimes.

Smiling to himself, he almost missed it when Victor approached a few minutes later, a bag on his arm. Only one, thank god.

“Ready to go?”

“Absolutely. Shall we go home?”

“Sure!”

They called another cab, and after semi-successfully getting all of their stuff into the car, rode back in silence. Yuuri was feeling tired – exhausted, really. It had been a pretty wild day, and it wasn’t over yet either.

At the flat, he helped Victor carry it all upstairs and into the bedroom before collapsing onto the bed with a groan. Makka was immediately next to him, squishing herself under him as a pillow. He allowed it, of course, happily shifting until they were both comfortable.

He watched as Victor buzzed around the room, unpacking things, cutting off tags and setting it all down on the bed. Only when he was done with it all did he pause and awkwardly look around the room.

“What’s wrong?” He asked the older skater.

“Ah, I don’t… really have anywhere to put it? I threw away the box, and besides it’s too much for it anyway.”

“Why don’t you hang it into the closet? With the suits?”

Victor gave him an odd look.

“Is that okay?”

“Why not? It’s your closet. Besides, it’s not secret anymore.”

Victor laughed softly and picked up the pencil skirt Victor had gotten because just because Yuuri had liked it.

“I suppose not.”

“And before you ask… yes, I really did like the things you got. You’re beautiful. Both in men’s and women’s clothing.”

“Did you have… a favourite?”

“Hm, aside from the red gown?” He thought about it. “Probably that skirt. I think it would look amazing with that one frilly shirt you have. You know, with the ruffles?”

Victor nodded – Yuuri could practically see him fight the urge to remind Yuuri of whatever brand name it was that made the thing.

“Would you… like me to put them on?”

“If you want. If you’d feel comfortable in them.”

Victor nodded slowly.

“I’ll go change in the bathroom, okay?”

A little surprised, Yuuri nodded – Victor had never been shy about taking his clothes off before him… but then, he reasoned it was probably more about putting some on than taking them off.

So, he closed his eyes and listened to the sounds of Makka’s breathing as he waited for Victor to come back.

When a thump startled him, he realised that he’d dozed off a little – and that Victor was nowhere to be seen.

He got up and ambled out into the living room, where he spotted his fiancé – complete with the outfit he’d suggested, and makeup on. He’d done something to darken his lashes and put on a light red lipstick.

He was also, for some reason, intently staring at the bag with the wig in it. Yuuri hadn’t told him what was in it, and apparently he hadn’t wanted to snoop, so he’d just set it on the table and was now staring at it.

Yuuri grinned.


	11. Chapter 11

“You can open it. It’s for you anyway.”

“O-Oh! Hi, I didn’t see you there. I can look?”

He nodded in agreement and wandered off into the kitchen in search of a glass of water.

Even over the sound of the tap running, he could easily hear Victor’s sharp gasp.

He turned the tap off and turned – just in time for Victor to practically throw himself at him.

Yuuri only just caught him with both hands, one under his legs and one around his back as the taller man collided with him. Victor was babbling thank yous while clutching to him as if his life depended on it – and although he was a little heavy, Yuuri was still thoroughly enjoying it.

He’d never picked Victor up before, though the older man had lifted him while skating several times – he liked it, actually.

Still, he stumbled a little over to the couch where the wig sat, in a box, ready to be tried on.

“Do you need help?” He offered as he gingerly set Victor down again.

“Ah, no. But you can watch? If you don’t mind?”

He leaned on the back of the couch as Victor grabbed a small mirror that normally stood in their bathroom and set it on the table. He could just see Victor’s face in the mirror reflection, and, of course, had a good view of his head.

“What made you decide to get this?”

Yuuri shrugged. “You had one before. And besides, it was a little selfish of me. I always… well, when I first saw you, you had long hair. I really liked it. Uh… a lot.”

He blushed a little, while Victor fumbled with a wig cap.

“I didn’t want to cut it off, you know. Everyone insisted that it was better for my image, but I didn’t want to.”

“Then why don’t you grow it back out? Your real hair, I mean.” Yuuri asked just as Victor picked up the wig and combed it with his fingers.

“I guess… I could? I never really thought about it. It’s been short for so long… Would you like it? If I grew it out?”

“Very much so. But even if you don’t… either is fine with me. It shouldn’t be my decision anyway. It’s your hair.”

Victor chuckled.

“I know. I just… feel like you’re being really considerate, and every time something… else comes to mind, I worry that this will be the thing that pushes you away, that makes you decide to get someone else less… dramatic.”

Yuuri pressed a kiss to Victor’s cheek from his position on the back of the couch.

“If I was going to leave you because of how dramatic you are, I’d have done it before I moved here. Besides, I really… I’m more okay with it than I thought. I mean, I didn’t mind all that much, but especially when I saw you in the dress… you were so stunning.”

Victor beamed at him before finally pulling on the wig on and fixing it in place with a few quick moves. He combed it through a few times and pulled it around a bit until it sat right, before – to Yuuri’s shock – taking a pair of scissors to it.

“It’s just to style it. You’re meant to do this the first time you put it on.” Victor explained when he saw Yuuri’s shocked face.

“R-Right.”

“You know, I can’t believe I’ve gotten so… lucky. With you, I mean. This… all this, it means more to me than I can say.”

“Victor… you accepted me when I was just an overweight, anxious mess. When I was mean to you for no reason and ran away and hid. You met me where I was… and I wanted to do the same for you. I’m just sorry it took so long to get to this point.”

Victor paused, mid-motion.

“There are… still some things to talk about. If… if you’re up for it.”

“Of course.”

“Like I told you, clothes, makeup and all that, it’s just… part of it.”

He remembered all too well.

“Okay. Well… maybe we can just see it as a starting point. And then we deal with other things as we stumble across them?”

Victor chuckled softly and met his eyes in the mirror.

“Well… there is something we haven’t actually ‘stumbled across’ in a while. I know that was because of me, but I’d still like to talk about it. Even if it’s not your favourite subject.”

That sounded ominous.

“Okay…?”

Victor sighed as he picked up the next strand of hair and snipped away at it.

“What is it?” He asked, hoping that Victor would just… tell him already. How bad could it be?

“Sex.” Victor eventually said.

Oh.


	12. Chapter 12

It wasn’t like he minded talking about it… he just wasn’t used to it. Not to mention that culturally speaking, he’d been raised to see it as a rather hush-hush subject… and for his first real relationship to be with the man he’d fallen for as a kid? There was just a lot to the subject, for him. Victor knew this, of course, because ultimately, they HAD spoken about it – even if it was under the darkness of hotel duvets at an event they’d attended.

And now… Yuuri gulped and slid around the couch, sitting next to Victor, but far enough away to not interfere with his chopping, or the small piles of silver hair that were already sitting around him.

He didn’t mind – they had a vacuum.

“What…do you want to talk about? I know we haven’t done anything, recently. Did you… did you lose interest because things weren’t… right for you?” He asked, his voice stuttering against his will a few times.

Victor gave him a warm smile.

“I stopped… initiating things because I wanted to know if you would. On your own, I mean. But you pulled away even more.”

Yuuri hummed.

“I was trying to be considerate. At first. I thought you wanted the space and I wanted to give it to you.”

Victor picked up another strand.

“I see. And I was hoping… well, it doesn’t matter now.”

“No, it does, please tell me. This is… a big deal to you. Right?”

Victor’s expression confirmed it.

“But… it doesn’t have to be. A big deal. I’m… fine.”

Yuuri gently reached out and took the scissors from Victor’s fingers, before taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. He gave the other man a serious look – one he was fairly sure was being ruined by the dark blush on his cheeks – and waited for Victor to really look at him.

This didn’t come easy to him – even talking about this during daylight, really – but Victor wouldn’t have said anything if it wasn’t important.

He squeezed Victor’s fingers.

“It’s just…We haven’t done anything in a while. Does that not bother you?”

“O-Of course it does. But that’s not all, is it?”

Victor shrugged.

“No. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s just… I don’t like always being the one to initiate things. Don’t get me wrong, being with you is wonderful, but it doesn’t feel right that I’m the one who always… starts.”

He nodded slowly. That… if that was all, he really didn’t mind – it wasn’t like he HADN’T spent his teenage years dreaming about the things they could do together.

“There… is something else?” Victor added after a few moments, and Yuuri nodded slowly.

“It’s not… an issue during the competitive season anyway, but during the months in between…”

Which meant… now. They were just at the beginning of the off-season after all.

“Okay?” He prompted when Victor didn’t continue.

The Russian laughed suddenly. “God I feel like a schoolkid confessing to his first crush. It’s so odd… I’m not normally so unsure.”

Yuuri chuckled.

“It’s okay. I mean, I spend most of my time being unsure of things, one way or another. Sooner or later it had to happen to you too.”

Victor shrugged.

“I suppose. The thing is… we haven’t really talked about it much. That is to say… penetration.”

The penny dropped for Yuuri. Of course they couldn’t, during the competitive season, had actually only done that twice so far, when they had a few days off… and it had been Yuuri who had bottomed. At least he could pretty much guess where Victor was going with this.

“You didn’t like being… on top?”

Victor lifted his hand and pressed a kiss to it.

“Not that. I did enjoy it because it was you, but it didn’t… feel right. It’s… fine if you’re not interested in topping. I just wanted to talk about it. And maybe, before you decide for sure we could… try? If you’re up for it.”

“Of course, I’d like to. I’ve just… never. With anyone else. I’ve only ever been on the bottom.”

Victor nodded.

“That’s fine. I thought so. It’s really not such a big deal. I mean, I figured with the last two days we’ve had, you wouldn’t be… up for anything for a while anyway.”

“Uh…”

“I know how upset you were. How we’ve… been. I don’t expect things to change overnight. But I wanted to put it… out there.”

“Oh. I see. I miss being with you too. And I would like to try it. Or more than try it. I’m definitely interested, but I don’t think I would have had the courage to bring it up myself. Not… while sober, anyway.”

He grimaced at the thought of asking THE Victor Nikiforov to bend over for him – as appealing as the thought was, he’d probably spontaneously combust from embarrassment long before he’d get the words out.

“I’d rather you be sober. You’ve forgotten enough of what’s happened between us.”

Yuuri chuckled weakly – that was certainly true.

“You’re right that I’m not ready right now, but I don’t mind… taking the initiative. Or to do that with you. I’d like to. I really would. Is there… anything else? You haven’t said?”

Victor blushed, a faint tinge of pink that reached as far as his ears and disappeared down the collar of his shirt.

“Ah, some things. Nothing major though. Nothing we need to discuss now.”

A sudden spike of arousal shot through Yuuri as he had a thought – certainly not something he’d thought about before, but it seemed to fit in with this new side of Victor he was seeing now.

A little awkwardly, Yuuri grabbed Victor’s wrist more tightly and pulled, turning him towards Yuuri, before leaning up and over, so that he was essentially pressing the other man into the couch, his gorgeous silver hair spilling over the edge of the couch and his shoulders.

Yuuri gently cupped his cheek and brushed their noses together, fighting a grin when Victor’s blush deepened, and he sighed quietly.

He really was the most beautiful creature in existence, Yuuri was sure of it.

“Did you… want me to tie you up?” He asked into the small gap between them, almost surprised that he’d actually gotten the words out.


	13. Chapter 13

If he hadn’t been so close, he’d have probably missed the way Victor’s pupils dilated a little, and the quiet groan that escaped him. Victor didn’t give a verbal reply, instead he just pressed his lips to Yuuri, closing the gap between them.

Yuuri let his eyes fall closed and shifted a little, so that he could press his hand to the back of Victor’s head, to pull him even closer. He parted his lips, waiting for Victor to deepen the kiss the way he almost always did – a moment later, he decided to instead run his tongue across Victor’s mouth.

The moan that Victor gave when he opened for him, the way his lips softened impossibly under Yuuri’s touch, the way he eagerly kissed back, it all made his head spin.

When he pulled back – for air, mostly – Victor’s flush was still there, and he was breathing hard – just like Yuuri.

His courage leaving him, he sat back a little, giving Victor more space. His lipstick was smeared a bit, he noticed.

The Russian took a deep breath and ran a hand over his face, giving Yuuri a moment to collect himself as well. He knew it had been a while, but he hadn’t expected… that reaction. Not from Victor, but certainly not from himself either.

“Was that a yes?” He blurted after a few moments.

Victor laughed.

“It’s one of the things I’ve thought about, yes. I’ll tell you the others some other time… when we’re not half a foot from sharp pointy objects.” He picked the scissors back up – shakily, Yuuri noticed – and playfully snipped them in the air twice.

“That’s fair enough. Sorry about that. I just… I’m not even sure what came over me.” He had the sudden urge to apologise.

Victor, who was already fiddling with another strand of hair, chuckled softly.

“Nothing I haven’t seen on the ice already. Your eros… and not the kind inspired by a pork cutlet bowl.”

He grinned and stood.

“As long as you… liked it.”

Victor nodded. “I did. Kissing you is always nice.”

“I think I’m going to take Makka out for a bit while you finish. That okay?”

“Sure. Have a nice walk.”

Yuuri was fairly certain that he’d had an almost creepy grin for most of their walk. He didn’t run into very many people, but even that wouldn’t have deterred him.

He was walking on air – and who could blame him?

It seemed things with Victor were going better, were GETTING better much faster than he’d hoped for. He knew that there was a lot left for them to discuss – if only how Victor planned on dealing with his public image. Sure, gay figure skaters were so common it was practically assumed, so they could be open, but he knew that the public would be less accepting of Victor’s interest in a feminine appearance.

Naturally, he also didn’t want Victor to have to keep it just in their flat – that wasn’t fair to the other man, not to mention he was itching to show the other off in that red gown as soon as possible.

They’d have to figure something out – but at least they could do it together.

Yuuri’s thoughts inadvertently snapped back to the kiss on the couch. It had been different from before, and yet he’d enjoyed it – and Victor’s reaction alone had been incredibly arousing.

‘His eros’ Victor had said. He wrinkled his nose at the term – sure, he knew what Victor meant now, but when they’d first started training together, he’d been completely lost on the subject.

Yuuri froze mid-step.

When… they’d first started skating together. Victor had taught him the Eros program. In which… in which a playboy comes to town, seduces the most beautiful woman and leaves.

For the second time in as many days, Yuuri cursed loudly, startling a couple, walking past him, not that he cared.

Victor had made it obvious, hadn’t he? And what had Yuuri done? Taken the part, and rewritten it so that he was the woman, and ‘she’ seduced the playboy instead. Victor had given him a playbook for what he’d wanted… and Yuuri had completely changed it, not seeing it as the silent request it had no doubt been.

It wasn’t even the only incident he could think of. In the very, very beginning especially, there had been a number of comments, a number of moments in which, knowing what he knew now, Victor had dropped hints.

Of course, he had been too dense to understand.

He quickly thought back to what other people had told him of the banquet, of the photos and videos he’d seen.

They’d danced. He had led Victor around the dancefloor. Had dipped him. Had pulled him around by his tie.

And Victor had come to Hasetsu thinking… expecting…

Yuuri felt like a complete ass as he hurried back home, eager to apologise to Victor.


	14. Chapter 14

The man was easy enough to find – he was standing in the living room, in front of the full-length mirror, and was studying his reflection. He was unlikely to find any flaws, Yuuri decided as he watched. Victor had finished with the wig, having cut it to a similar length he’d had as a teenager. He’d also styled it to fall nicely around his face and shoulders, wonderfully complimenting his skirt and blouse.

He didn’t look like a woman despite all that – his distinctly male shape remained, but the look complimented it rather than hiding it. Yuuri liked it… a lot. For something he’d never even considered a week ago, he really was quite into it.

Then again it was Victor – was it really a surprise?

“Hi there! You look gorgeous.” He greeted his fiancé as he hung up his coat.

“Mh, I feel… nice. It’s better when I don’t have to… hide it. From you, I mean.”

Yuuri nodded.

“Say, I wanted to… apologise to you. I realised something just now. About… the Eros routine you taught me.”

“Ah so you finally figured out that I was trying to tell you I wanted you, the playboy, to seduce me, the beautiful woman?” Victor asked conversationally.

Yuuri groaned in embarrassment.

“I… yes. I’m sorry. I really didn’t know.”

“That’s okay. I’m not mad. I was really disappointed back then, after how we danced when you were drunk. I thought you might… want me like that. It was a nice thought.”

Yuuri’s heart clenched painfully.

“I do! I really do. I was just so caught up in my own problems I didn’t see that you weren’t happy.”

“Mh… I was trying to hide it, to be fair.”

Yuuri shrugged, unwilling to go back to that argument yet again. Instead, he picked up the remote for the stereo and switched it on. As expected, it still had the Latin music CD in it he’d listened to a few days ago.

Though a little awkward, he winked at Victor and held out his hand.

“Would you like to dance?”

Victor’s reaction was a beaming smile, and seconds later, they were moving through the open space of Victor’s living room. It was a gentle back and forth, a slow tango, and it had Yuuri aching for the memories he’d lost of them dancing at the banquet a year before.

If Victor’s expression was anything to go by, he felt similar.

With a quick motion, Yuuri pulled Victor closer – he knew the music was about to speed up, and he wanted to be closer to the other man. Even pressed chest to chest didn’t seem close enough all of a sudden – of their own volition, Yuuri’s grip tightened, his free hand sliding lower on Victor’s back, to the edge of his skirt.

On the next spin, the fabric shifted and his fingers slid just under the edge of the fabric.

Victor’s breath hitched, and after checking to see that it was arousal and not apprehension that showed on his face, Yuuri allowed his hand to slide a little lower still. His fingers came to rest just on the swell of Victor’s ass and he squeezed, as pleased as he always was when he felt the other man’s fantastic body in his hands.

This time was no different.

He kept up the pretence of wanting to dance for another moment longer, before using a quick spin to back Victor into the couch and practically shove him down, jumping on his lap in the same motion. It was a familiar position, one he’d been in many times… but something in the back of his head reminded him to think again.

He leaned forward to press their lips together in a heated kiss, but kept it short, pulling back after a few seconds and standing up. Victor whined in annoyance, but only until Yuuri sat down by his side and patted his thighs – the older man understood immediately, and rolled until he was sitting on the edge of Yuuri’s knees.

Yuuri didn’t understand, at first, why his fiancé hadn’t come closer, but then he realised – the fabric of the skirt stopped him, kept his legs together.

Grinning like a schoolboy in a candy shop, Yuuri pushed his fingers under the black fabric at its lowest point and slid it up Victor’s firm thighs. It went easily enough, freeing him to shuffle closer until he was very nearly pressed to Yuuri, the skirt rolled up almost completely.

Victor immediately leaned in, kissing Yuuri and playfully nipping at his bottom lip.

He smiled into the kiss, rubbing his hands up and down the other man’s back. He could feel somehow, that things were a little different than usual, that something in Victor’s reactions was different from before.

Gripping Victor’s hips and grinding their bodies together, he briefly considered that maybe it was him and not Victor that was different – or maybe both.

He didn’t care anymore as one of his hands slid up, tangled in long silver hair and gently pulled Victor’s head back to expose his throat.

The moan he got from the other man was almost as rewarding as being able to kiss and bite his way across the exposed skin.

Still… he wanted more. Maybe not everything, but… more.

Shifting his hands to Victor’s thighs again, he carefully held him and, with a grunt of effort, stood up.

It wasn’t easy – for a moment they swayed precariously, not that Victor ever stopped kissing him for it, but he found his balance. Or at least, enough of it to stumble into the bedroom together.

He unceremoniously dumped Victor onto the bed, before looking down at him. His lipstick was all but gone – probably on his face now – his skirt was bunched up, and his shirt almost pulled out of it as well.

Victor was a wreck of the perfectly put together beauty he had been not long ago – and Yuuri was responsible.

He grinned before crawling onto the bed to kiss the other some more.


	15. Chapter 15

Kissing Victor had never been a particular hardship, but he especially loved it when the other man was so clearly enjoying it. His partner had never been particularly vocal in bed, but now he was groaning, moaning, sighing and occasionally mumbling his name into the kiss – and for someone who had always worried about being _heard_ by others, Yuuri had to admit he was loving it.

If it hadn’t been for the fact that he needed to breathe, he would have probably never stopped kissing the other man.

Sadly, he did in fact need air, and so pulled back after what felt like an eternity.

Victor whined at the loss.

Almost as soon as Yuuri had pulled back, the other man’s hands shot out and started to fumble with Yuuri’s clothes – specifically, the drawstring of his jogging pants.

Torn from the haze of arousal he’d been in, his hands snapped down to stop the other man.

He felt guilty even as he did so – it was obvious Victor was… confused at being stopped. Parts of Yuuri – mainly his lower half – were too.

“S-Sorry, but… I think… maybe not now? We have training tomorrow?”

Victor’s pout was instant.

“But Yuuuuriiii!” The other man whined.

He pressed another – chaste – kiss to Victor’s lips.

“I’m sorry, but… I’m not ready. Yet. Sorry.”

Instantly, the other man’s expression softened in understanding.

“Yeah, you’re right. Neither of us are in a particularly… stable place right now. Sorry I got ahead of myself.”

Yuuri shook his head.

“You didn’t. It was great. I missed you. Kissing you, I mean.”

“Mhh, me too. And you were so… forceful!”

He blushed, staring at the duvet between them. Had he gotten it wrong? Overdone it? To his relief, Victor didn’t look the least bit put out.

“Was it okay?”

“More than okay. Did you enjoy it too?”

He nodded. “Yes. It’s… exciting. Almost like… we’re doing this for the first time. It’s fun.”

Victor pushed closer, moulding himself against his front completely.

“Mhm. I know what you mean. I feel like a teenager again. Well, actually that’s not true. When I really WAS a teenager, I didn’t let myself feel like this, so I suppose it’s a first.”

Yuuri ran his fingers over Victor’s forehead.

“You knew when you were a teen?”

“Mhm. I knew when I was even younger… it just took me a bit to realise that I was… odd. That wanting to be ‘beautiful’ and wanting to be ‘handsome’ weren’t the same, and that I couldn’t just… pick the one I liked better.”

Yuuri chuckled.

“Well you still don’t get to choose. You’re both beautiful AND handsome. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.”

For a moment, Victor said nothing – then he burst into a huge goofy laugh.

“Yuuuri! That was so cheesy! How can you say a line like that!”

Blushing, Yuuri tried to squirm back, held in place by Victor’s arms around him.

“W-Well it’s true, okay? Don’t even think about arguing.”

The Russian did no such thing – instead, he pressed a kiss to Yuuri’s sternum and simply laid still. Yuuri did too, for a while, until he remembered something.

“You should probably change into something else if you want to stay in bed. You’ll wrinkle your clothes.”

The other man sat up with a sigh.

“Well… I think that ship has sailed.”

He was right – but nevertheless, he watched as Victor went to take a change of clothes from the closet and headed to the bathroom.

Yuuri stopped him just as he reached for the handle.

“Wait! You… you don’t have to go in there to change. I mean… I don’t mind. If you’re comfortable enough to change here.”

Victor gave him a small smile.

“I’m sorry, for now I’d prefer…”

Yuuri nodded, doing his best to look unfazed rather than hurt as Victor disappeared into the bathroom, and reappeared in a shirt and baggy trousers not long after. He gave Yuuri an awkward smile and crawled under the blanket, pulling it up to his neck.

Yuuri cuddled down next to him, wrapping an arm around him and trying to fall asleep. It took him a little while, all things considered but he fell asleep with a smile nevertheless.

They would be… okay.

Probably.

It was all he really wanted.


	16. Chapter 16

Come morning, Yuuri realised that he’ d overslept – and was late for practice. Victor, unhelpfully enough, had apparently gotten up and decided to let him sleep. He raced around, getting dressed and picking his things up only to find Victor casually lounging in the kitchen with a cup of coffee.

“Good morning!” He greeted Yuuri, far too cheerfully.

“Morning, why didn’t you wake me up?”

He shrugged.

“I thought you needed the rest. Are you up for training today? You have a long one, don’t you?”

Yuuri nodded.

“Yeah. Is that okay…?”

Victor gave him an amused look.

“Why wouldn’t it be? Come on, Yakov will yell if we’re late!”

Yuuri just barely had enough time to grab a croissant before they were out the door and off to the rink.

Yakov didn’t say a word about their absence for the day – something for which Yuuri was glad. He’d missed skating. As always, training was a fantastic coping mechanism for his anxiety, and much of his stress melted off as they trained.

Victor for one, wasn’t acting any different than usual – at least not that Yuuri could tell. He was perfectly graceful as always… to an enviable degree. Where Yuuri was just working on his technical skills, the other skater was already coordinating his next performances. He hadn’t picked a theme yet, but…

Yuuri came to a harsh spot, nearly making his namesake barrel into him. He ignored the grumpy GP champ and hurried over to his fiancé.

“Victor!”

“Hm? I have the PERFECT idea for your next season!” He half-whispered, unwilling to share his idea with everyone just yet.

Victor, who had a little notebook sitting on the rink barrier smiled and opened the book.

“And what’s that?”

Yuuri grinned.

“Transformation. You know… about the Eros program? How I… messed it up?”

Victor clicked his tongue and shook his head.

“You didn’t mess it up. You just changed it.”

Yuuri waved him off.

“Doesn’t matter! We could… do the same thing again? A pair routine, but split up? Except this time… this time I won’t change anything.”

He watched as, after a long moment of contemplation, a smile spread across Victor’s face.

“That… could work. And if my theme is Transformation, then yours would be…”

Well, he hadn’t thought that far ahead. Thankfully, Victor seemed unfazed.

“How about Masculinity? No, too on the nose. How about… hm… well, love is hard to top, but what about Eternity? We could easily pick some music with double arrangements like Eros and Agape. You dance the… well, anyway, and I take the other version. Eternity and Transformation… what do you think?”

Yuuri was smiling so much, his cheeks were aching.

“I love it.”

“KATSUKI! VITYA! BACK ON THE ICE, THIS ISN’T A COFFEESHOP!” Yakov’s angry voice snarled across the rink.

Both men flinched and, with another shared smile, dashed apart, back to their respective activities.

Yuuri couldn’t wait to start developing their coordinated performances.

When he came home a few hours after Victor, he was only semi-surprised to find the other man laying on the couch, legs dangling off the edge. He was scribbling in his notebook… and wearing the brown dress and the wig they’d picked up.

The Russian stood as soon as he came in and wrapped him up in an exuberant hug.

“Yuuri! Finally! Come on, I have to show you what I’ve come up with already! I’m almost done with your half of the performances. I’m sure you’ll like them! Of course, you’ll have to shore up your quads if you want to actually get it done, but we have half a year, so…”

He listened attentively as Victor prattled on, explaining page after page of things he’d written down, come up with, or just considered.

Not unexpectedly, the difficulty was eye-wateringly high, but then he hadn’t really even dared to hope it would be easy – not if it was Victor’s choreography.

Still, he sat, and he watched Victor gesture as he explained, well-aware that he was smiling like a sap.

Victor seemed happy, and _light_ in a way he couldn’t describe. Almost of its own volition, Yuuri’s hand reached out to tuck a strand of long hair behind Victor’s ear.

The older man paused mid-word and blushed red. Yuuri realised that he’d actually not heard the last few things Victor had said, too distracted by the man.

Before he could apologise and ask him to repeat himself, Victor had already leaned over and pressed their lips together in a soft kiss.

Yuuri hummed and deepened it, his arm wrapping around Victor’s waist in a gesture that was part arousal, part… part confirmation that Victor was still his.

The older man leaned into the touch readily, and they kissed unhurriedly for a few minutes before he pulled back.

“I think your ideas are great.” Yuuri said before pressing another kiss to Victor’s cheek and standing up. “Should I make us some dinner?”

“How about chicken salad?”

Yuuri smiled, while Victor scribbled in his book.


	17. Chapter 17

They fell into a comfortable routine over the next few days. At training, they acted just like before, while also working on their new routines, of course, and at home, Yuuri got to see more of the soft, pliant side of Victor that he was starting to absolutely adore.

By no means had the older man been shy in showing his affections for Yuuri before, of course, but the way he acted around him now felt like he was revealing something a little… deeper.

Which, to be fair, was actually the case, all things considered.

Yuuri wasn’t particularly bothered either way. Making out with his fiancé like a teenager on a daily basis was anything but a problem, as far as he was concerned… and Victor seemed to enjoy it too.

The keyword being ‘seemed’, because one day after practice, Yuuri having trained later than Victor, he came home to a much different Victor.

Not only was he wearing his usual, masculine ‘lounging at home’ outfit, but he was also watching Yuuri with hawk-eyes as soon as he got in. Like always, he crossed the room and kissed Victor’s cheek to greet him.

“Is… something wrong?”

“No. What do you think of my outfit?” Victor asked, his voice curiously blank.

“You… look good?”

Victor hummed.

“So it’s fine? If I want to wear this today.”

Yuuri smiled gently at his lover.

“Of course. Wear whatever you want. You look good in literally everything you own.” He assured the other man, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles. He had learned – to his utter delight – that doing so made Victor’s breath hitch _every single time_ and now he absolutely couldn’t stop doing it anymore.

Not that Victor complained.

They went about their usual routine – mostly anyway. Yuuri did some dishes from breakfast that had been left over, prepped dinner for later, and played with Makka a little. Victor tapped around on his phone, took out the trash… and stared.

Why, Yuuri didn’t know, but it seemed like the other man was waiting for something specific.

When after dinner, with both of them plus Makka on the couch, it was still happening, Yuuri lost his patience.

“Victor… is something wrong? You’ve been staring at me ever since I came home.”

The other man sighed.

“I was… testing something.”

“Oookay?”

Victor took a deep breath and Yuuri steeled himself for whatever was about to happen.

“Did you know that you treat me different at the rink?” Victor asked.

Yuuri snorted.

“Of course I do. That’s training… coach. This is… just us.”

“So you were doing it on purpose?” Victor asked, his tone guarded.

“Victor… what is this about?”

The Russian sighed and shifted so that his head came to rest on Yuuri’s shoulder.

“It’s… about my clothes. Or, not my clothes, but how you treat me.”

Automatically, Yuuri’s fingers wandered up the other man’s back and started to massage the other man’s neck in a way that seemed to never fail to make him purr. It didn’t this time either.

“Go on.” He encouraged Victor.

“I noticed… that you only treat me differently when I dress in a feminine way. Like… like you only see me differently when I’m in a skirt. It was grating on me.”

Yuuri made a faint noise of understanding.

“That’s not it! I… understood it, when you told me that it wasn’t just about the clothes. I just… I didn’t know how else to act at the rink? I figured you wouldn’t want to be… open about it with everyone, or at least not yet. Besides, you ARE technically my coach.”

Victor stuck his tongue out at him.

“What do you mean TECHNICALLY? I am literally choreographing your routines right now.”

Yuuri grinned.

“And I’m very grateful. Either way, I promise that it’s only because it’s in public. If you… tell me what you want me to do, I don’t mind?”

The Russian sighed. “I… want to say I want to be open about it, but truthfully, I’m not there yet. You were probably doing the right thing, and I just got tripped up over my own worries. It still feels like there is… a barrier, sometimes.”

Yuuri DIDN’T know – he hadn’t realised.

Hearing Victor say it though, he suddenly had a good idea of what it might be. Heart hammering in his chest, he stood up. Victor, who had to stretch out to balance on the couch without Yuuri to support his weight, stared up at him in confusion.

Yuuri gulped, before bending down and wrapping his arms around Victor. Deadlifting him off the fairly low couch wasn’t easy, but he managed it well enough.

Victor gave a little squeak that was two parts funny and one part adorable, as he clutched on to Yuuri. He gave no protest though, so Yuuri simply carried him to the bedroom, stumbling a little as he went.

If Victor noticed, he didn’t say.

Depositing him a little less than gracefully, Yuuri was a little startled at the deep red blush that was colouring his lovers' entire face. He didn’t even know that Victor COULD blush like that.

“Y-Yuuri?” Victor asked, his voice faint.

Yuuri’s smile widened.

“Victor… we both have tomorrow off, right?” He confirmed, his fingers itching to touch the other again.

“Yes, why?” Victor asked, before his eyes widened to an almost comical degree and he breathed a small ‘oh’.

Yuuri paused just before reaching for the hem of his shirt.

“Unless…” He began, but Victor cut him off immediately.

“NO! No. I… want to. If you’re ready.”

God was he ever.


	18. Chapter 18

Stripping Victor naked was as deliriously wonderful as it always had been. Even with their new routine that mostly featured him on top of Victor, feeling the other man’s body under his fingertips hadn’t lost any of its magic.

Victor was responsive, more so than he could remember, and he enjoyed every moment, every touch. They kissed for a long time – until Victor whined and impatiently tugged at Yuuri’s boxers – the only clothing he was still wearing.

Well, he could take a hint.

Awkwardly leaning up, he slipped them off and, in the same motion, reached for the bedside table. Top drawer, just behind a box of tissues waited a small bottle of lube. He grabbed it and bashfully showed it to Victor, unable to actually say the words out loud.

“You sure?” Victor asked, nuzzling Yuuri’s neck.

“If you are. I’ve never… tried this before.”

“Mh, you’ll be wonderful, I’m sure of it.” Victor said and laid back, stretching out and spreading his legs.

Yuuri sat between them and placed his hand on the other man’s thigh – something told him Victor was as nervous as he was.

Setting the bottle down for a moment, he ran his hands up and down Victor’s toned thighs, digging his fingers in just a little. The older man spread them wider, and Yuuri’s breath hitched.

He uncapped the bottle and gently squeezed some of it onto his hand – he was careful to warm it in his palm before touching Victor with it. Unlike when Victor had prepared him, Yuuri found it to be almost easy to slip first one, then a second finger in.

As he gently thrust them in and out of his lover, a thought occurred to him.

“Victor… have you been doing this to yourself?” He asked, his voice a little breathless.

When Victor gave a tense nod just as his fingers curled upwards, Yuuri gasped quietly.

“In… in the bathroom. When showering… sometimes. It’s been a while since we’ve done anything and I… a-anyway, you don’t have to be so gentle. I can take more.”

Yuuri gulped and added a little more lube, before thrusting a third finger into his lover. There was a little more resistance this time, but he still had no trouble scissoring his fingers a little and drawing a sweet moan from his lover.

Yuuri himself felt like he might pass out from desire any moment. Having Victor so pliant beneath him, squirming on his fingers like he was, appealed to a part of him he hadn’t realised he’d even had.

Almost absent-mindedly, he thrust his fingers a fair bit harder, drawing a long moan out of his lover. Fighting the urge to apologise – he could see how much his lover was enjoying himself, he repeated the motion.

He tried to remember what Victor had done to him that had felt best, and tried to mimic it as much as possible.

He was successful if the way Victor started rocking his hips was anything to go by.

Yuuri was so caught up in what he was doing that he’d completely missed the fact that Victor was babbling something. Not babbling, he corrected himself a moment later… begging.

Victor was begging for Yuuri to fuck him already.

Had it not been for his exceptional stamina, he’d have come from the sound of that alone. Instead, he hastily withdrew his fingers and applied lube to his erection, uncaring that it was cold. He positioned himself carefully, Victor’s legs split, quivering against Yuuri’s thighs.

He was too short to kiss Victor at the same time he gently pushed inside the other, but that turned out to be a good thing – he got to watch Victor moan, his back arching and fingers clenching into the bedsheets under them.

It was a beautiful sight, and he pressed a kiss to Victor’s chest when he realised that he didn’t have enough sense left to say so out loud… not when his fiancé was a wet, tight and perfect heat around his cock.

He had fully planned to give him time to adjust, but his body had other ideas – he pulled out and thrust back in within moments, setting a fast but fairly gentle pace.

Victor’s hands reached out and wrapped around his neck, pulling him lower and forcing him to adjust his position a little. If the way Victor all but screamed his name was anything to go by, he’d finally hit that special spot inside the other man.

Repeating the same motion had his partner clenching around him, his fingers digging into Yuuri’s back.

He was fairly sure he was going to have marks there when they were done… and wasn’t that a turn-on?

He increased his speed, thrust harder, watching his lover’s reactions. Victor was gasping, his eyes open but unfocused, moaning and groaning with every thrust. Just to see what would happen, Yuuri snapped his hips forwards, and without pulling out, ground their hips together. He knew he had to be rubbing up against Victor’s prostate – the reaction was immediate.

One of Victor’s hand snapped down and circled his cock, squeezing the base. It didn’t help – the older man came with a groan, his cock squirting ribbon after ribbon of come onto his stomach and even his chest.

Yuuri held still, unsure what to do – he knew how sensitive he had been after he’d come, but then Victor hadn’t exactly lasted longer than him when he had bottomed either. Ignoring his throbbing arousal, Yuuri waited for Victor to… well, say anything.


	19. Chapter 19

It took a good few moments before Victor’s eyes focused on his face. The older man leaned up in a less than graceful motion and crashed their mouths together in a sloppy kiss.

Yuuri didn’t mind at all.

After a few moments, Victor let himself fall onto the bed again.

“Y-You can continue.” He assured Yuuri, as out of breath as Yuuri was.

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm… Look, Yuuuri, what you’re doing to me!”

As instructed, he looked down – Victor was, somehow, still hard.

Something inside Yuuri snapped, and he pulled almost all the way out, before pushing back in in one smooth stroke. It felt fantastic – for both of them if Victor’s whimper was anything to go by.

He set a hard, fast rhythm, nudging Victor’s legs a little higher, until they were loosely wrapped around his hips. The change in angle made it even easier for him to hit Victor’s prostate, and he did his best to do so as often as he could.

Concentrating was getting a little more difficult with each thrust though, as he could feel himself approaching orgasm as well. Apparently his stamina was no match for Victor’s body like this, under him, _around_ him…

“’m gonna come!” He moaned, Victor’s hand immediately snapping to his own erection. He started jerking himself off in quick, hard motions that were mesmerising to watch. He timed his rhythm to the strokes as best as he could, until even that became a little too much to maintain.

Yuuri came with a groan of Victor’s name, thrusting shallowly a few more times as he rode out his pleasure, at the same time as Victor came again, his free hand clenching painfully on Yuuri’s back.

When he was spent – when they both were – Yuuri carefully pulled out and let himself collapse next to the other man. He wanted to tell him how wonderful it had been, how much he loved Victor, how he’d missed being intimate, but no words would cross his lips.

If the way Victor was staring at him, mouth open and panting, was anything to go by, he was in a similar state. Yuuri crawled up the bed just enough to press a kiss to the other man’s lips, before collapsing back into a boneless, fucked-out heap.

Victor had enough awareness to pull a blanket over them – it was the last thing Yuuri remembered before falling asleep.


	20. Chapter 20

Waking up in bed with Victor was definitely his favourite way to start a day off – waking up in bed WITHOUT Victor, however, was still pretty good after the night they’d had. He blinked awake, hearing the sound of the shower being on and stretched. He felt a little sore, but not nearly enough so to outweigh his happiness at what had happened.

He hadn’t exactly gotten Victor’s feedback, but he really hoped the other man had enjoyed himself as much as Yuuri had.

Rolling out of bed, he pulled on a fresh set of clothes and waited for Victor to come out of the bathroom.

He was realistic enough to go and make them both some breakfast – the other man’s morning routines always took _forever_.

That day was no different. If anything, it was worse.

When Victor finally walked out of the bedroom to the kitchen, Yuuri had already finished his tea and breakfast roll.

“Good morning!” Victor greeted him, chipper as always. Yuuri realised why he’d taken longer – he was wearing his wig, some makeup and one of the outfits they’d picked out. He felt a little underdressed in his sweatpants, but since Victor didn’t complain, he reasoned it was fine to just stay put and watch his beautiful partner.

“Good morning.” He greeted back, blushing a little.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Like the dead. You?”

Victor winked at him. “Me too. I guess you _wore me out_.”

The older man all but leered at Yuuri and he chuckled a little, still not entirely sure of himself. “So… I did it right? I wanted to ask yesterday, but I was just so exhausted…”

Victor waved him off, biting into his croissant.

“It’s fine. I fell asleep too. Woke up sore and sticky.”

Yuuri blushed.

“W-Well, I’m sorry about that.”

Victor gave him a meaningful look.

“Did you hear me complaining?”

“Only that I wasn’t fucking you hard enough.”

Yuuri slapped a hand over his mouth at the exact same time Victor’s eyes widened and he dropped his croissant – straight into his cup of coffee.

A moment later, Victor burst out laughing and stepped around the kitchen isle to press a kiss to his temple, his long hair tickling Yuuri’s nose.

“I’ve created a monster!” The Russian joked as he pulled Yuuri into a tight hug.

He returned it of course, pleased by how… right it felt.

On a whim, he tightened his hold and stood on his tiptoes to be able to talk directly into Victor’s ear.

“Is… was it really good for you? I wanted to do things the way you… wanted it.”

A soothing hand rubbed down his back.

“You were perfect Yuuri. I’m already dreading the next competitive season when we CAN’T regularly do that.”

Victor pulled back, winked and practically danced off to go and play with Makka, his soggy croissant and messy coffee all but forgotten.

Yuuri couldn’t even pretend to be annoyed as he cleaned it up while Victor played tug with one of Makka’s stuffed toys.


	21. Chapter 21

The reality of practice was always a bit different from his plans – Yuuri learned that early in his career. Still, studying the routine Victor had made for him, choreographed to a slow section of the same song Victor was using for HIS short, was… frustrating.

They had the rink to themselves and Victor had shown him both parts – and to Yuuri’s frustration, the older skater did BOTH OF THEM better than Yuuri could. They hadn’t even gotten to testing out the free yet, and he was frustrated beyond belief.

Though Victor had only marked his jumps, he’d done his short almost perfectly, all soft movements, grace and elegance. Yuuri’s half featured more technical elements (to challenge him, Victor had said), and while they complimented each other well, it annoyed him that he couldn’t get it right.

It was his ‘Eros’ all over again.

After several hours of Victor snarking at him and criticising every other thing he did, Yuuri snapped.

He grabbed Victor’s arm and tugged, pulling him off balance enough that he managed to pull the other with him in a lose spiral, his front pressed against Victor’s back.

They were entirely alone in the rink… he figured it would be fine.

Once he realised what he was doing, Victor leaned into him easily enough, following Yuuri’s lead as they danced across the ice.

“I’m getting frustrated because I can’t figure out my… motivation, I guess.” He admitted, partway through a mock-waltz.

Victor chuckled. “What do you mean, motivation?”

“Like with Eros. My… position in the piece. You seem to have it all figured out, but me…” He frowned up at the taller man, who was just smiling patiently.

“Yuuri… you have months to figure it out. Besides, do you remember at the Cup of China? When you skated your free? What were you thinking and feeling then?”

He paused for a moment.

“I was… thinking about you? I was skating for you.”

Victor’s smile was beaming.

“And when I skate my part, I think about you. How wonderful it is to be in your arms, how my heart flutters when you tucked my hair behind my ear. How it felt when you threw me on the bed. All of that.”

“Oh…” He mumbled, coming to a stop and releasing Victor from his hold. He hadn’t thought about it that way, and suddenly he was wondering why not.

Almost absent-mindedly, he took his position and began, again.

It didn’t click for the first few seconds, but as he stepped into a fast spin, his arms forming a circle in front of him, he imagined Victor there, spinning with him…and just like that, it clicked in place.

He continued the choreography with something nameless he hadn’t been aware of before, but Victor had been right – he kept thinking about how they’d danced through the flat a few days ago, how Victor had blushed on the couch… He thought about it all.

When he came to a stop at the end of the routine, he was almost sad it was over – and he knew he’d gotten it right, even if he’d stepped wrong a couple of times.

Looking up, he found Victor leaning against the barrier, quietly clapping.

“Yes, Yuuri! That’s it!”

He skated over with a grin, ready to thank Victor for his ‘help’ when the Russian flipped a page in his little book.

“Now that you’ve gotten that part, let’s look at your free. I’ve obviously increased the difficulty a lot since you always do better in this one, so you’ll have to…”

Yuuri’s shoulders sagged in defeat.

Victor really was a slave driver sometimes.


	22. Chapter 22

The preparation of their routines went well – better than Yuuri had expected. They’d waited to show them to Yakov, and somewhat surprisingly, their shared coach hadn’t complained at all, had actually praised both of their execution.

At least for the short – Victor refused to let Yuuri show his free until HE approved of it.

He was all too well aware that that was still a while off. Victor himself had less qualms about sharing his plans with Yakov – to the point where they got into a shouting match over it, actually.

Yuuri had been on the other side of the ice, skating over once he heard Victor raise his voice, unable to understand the barked Russian.

He caught up to Victor just as the other man stalked into the changing room. To his surprise, Victor seemed to be fighting tears.

“Victor! What’s going on? Please talk to me.” He begged when the other man simply ignored him in favour of angrily digging through his bag.

“I told Yakov what I had in mind for costume design. He doesn’t approve.”

Yuuri blinked. They hadn’t discussed the topic yet.

“What, uh, did you have in mind?”

Victor huffed. “I told him that I wanted… white outfits for me, black ones for you. That I was thinking about a little… skirt added to mine. That I was going to have… a ponytail.”

Yuuri gasped – it was obvious where Victor had been going with his ideas… and why he was upset.

“And Yakov…?”

“Said I was a professional skater, not a clown, and to be serious if I was going to suggest something.”

Yuuri winced – that was harsh, even for Victor’s grumpy coach.

“W-What are you going to do?”

Victor paused, pulling away from his messy bag with a bottle of water.

“I don’t know. Come up with different ideas, I guess? It was probably dumb to assume that Yakov would be as… approving as you were.”

Victor took a sip before carelessly tossing the bottle back. A moment later, Victor wrapped his arms around him in a crushing hug.

“You know I love you, right? And how lucky I am to have you.”

Yuuri chuckled softly. “I love you too. And I’M the lucky one. Why don’t… why don’t you let me talk to Yakov?”

Victor shook his head.

“There’s no point when he’s made up his mind.”

“But there’s no harm in letting me try, right?”

Victor shrugged. “If you want to so badly.”

“I do. I’ll be right back.”

He beelined out of the changing rooms and back onto the ice, heading straight for their coach. Yakov’s expression was anything other than pleased.

“What is it, Katsuki. Is Victor done with his tantrum?”

Yuuri took all of his courage together to square up to the large man.

“It’s not a tantrum. He’s upset because you laughed off his ideas.”

Yakov snorted. “His ideas? Oh please, he was just throwing things around. That boy does that every season, suggesting fifteen ridiculous things before picking something normal.”

Yuuri stood his ground. “It wasn’t a suggestion this time. It’s… what he wanted to do. What WE wanted to do.”

His firm tone seemed to make Yakov pause.

“He… discussed this with you?”

“Yes.” Yuuri lied. Well, half-lied. “He told me about the colours. And… the hair. And all that.”

Yakov frowned at him for a moment. “And you don’t think it’s ridiculous on a grown man?”

“First off, he’ll look good no matter what, and secondly, it’s not like he hasn’t done this sort of thing before. Changing his look, I mean.”

Their coach nodded slowly. “Da, that’s true. But the ponytail though… he can’t grown his hair in time!”

“He can wear a wig.”

Yakov seemed to genuinely be considering it.

“And can I expect a long flowing mane from you as well, Mr. Katsuki?” He asked, his voice a little mocking.

Yuuri shook his head. “That’s Victor’s thing. I just… want him to be able to give the performance he wants to.” Almost as an afterthought, he straightened up again and met Yakov’s eyes. “And I’d like for you to take his ideas seriously, because he was serious when making them.”

The coach gave him another long, considering look before laughing.

“Alright, I’ll think about it. Now get Vitya back, he’s supposed to be training, not being dramatic.”

Yuuri practically deflated on his way back to the changing room – from which Victor was peeking out, waiting for a signal from him. He gave the other man a thumbs up, which seemed to brighten his mood considerably.

In no time at all, Victor was back on the ice – though with Yuuri, on the far side from Yakov. That didn’t stop the coach from calling out to Victor, who was warming back up. Yuuri watched as Victor turned his head towards Yakov, who bellowed something in Russian he couldn’t understand – only for Victor to flat out barrel into the barrier a moment later.

Yakov was laughing, while Yuuri was trying to figure out what had just happened – what in the world had Yakov called over?

“Don’t even ask!” Victor groaned when Yuuri helped him straighten up after his impact with the rink barrier.

“But… what did he say? Was it something bad?”

Victor sighed quietly.

“I’m not going to translate it, but it was something between… ‘Good for you, Vitya’ and ‘Go get it, Vitya’.”

With that, his fiancé skated off without so much as giving him another look.

And Yuuri? Yuuri was fighting his laughter, well aware that it would just offend his partner.

Going by the fake wounded looks Victor sent him throughout the rest of the training, he was only partly successful in his venture.


	23. Chapter 23

The new normal of their routine settled in almost without Yuuri noticing. It was comfortable. Victor seemed happier too, almost always pattering around either in feminine clothes or at least with his wig on when they were home.

Yuuri could see, especially when Victor didn’t know he was looking, how much of a difference it made. He’d always felt that part of Victor was unreachable to him. He’d assumed that was a leftover from his former fanboy years, something only in his mind – but now that it was no longer a barrier between them, he was all the more aware of how real it had been.

There was just one thing that nagged at him.

They had to keep things private, realistically. While Yakov had caved on Victor’s outfit plans, he rather thought the coach wouldn’t respond too well to Victor showing up to practice in a skirt, just because.

No doubt Plisetsky would also mock him – and Yuuri knew how sensitive he was, still. When they went shopping, he seemed to put far too much stock in how YUURI felt about what he tried on.

Still, he got more confident over time… but Yuuri wished they could have that IN PUBLIC.

He hadn’t asked, but he was fairly sure that Victor wanted to be able to go out dressed up as well. It wasn’t that they didn’t go out – Victor occasionally took him out to dinner, in a suit, of course. It was fun, but he wasn’t blind to the way Victor occasionally would run his hands down that red dress.

And so… Yuuri crafted a plan. They’d missed Valentine’s Day, having been on the outs then… But there was always White Day. Sure, Victor didn’t know about it yet, but that didn’t mean Yuuri couldn’t seize the opportunity.

He spent every waking moment preparing. Researching a location, calling up and explaining his requests, and so on.

It went surprisingly smoothly. The restaurant happily accepted his somewhat extravagant reservation (courtesy of Victor’s credit card) and they even helped him arrange his special requests. All that was left was to convince Victor to dress up without letting him know what was up.

Getting Victor out of the flat long enough that Yuuri could get dressed was easy enough – pouting at his fiancé that his feet hurt and could he please go and get some food for them. Victor had hurried off immediately… and Yuuri had put on his best suit, gelled his hair back and gotten ready to hopefully, wow his fiancé.

Victor came well in time for Yuuri’s surprise to work – they had a somewhat flexible reservation anyway. He watched from behind the door as Victor came in, put away the things… and then Yuuri decided to go for it.

He stepped out of the bedroom, audibly closing it behind himself to draw Victor’s attention.

It worked just fine – Victor spun and, for a second, obvious _interest_ and surprise warred, before the former won out.

“Yuuri?”

“Mhm?”

“Ah… you look fantastic. Any particular reason?”

He smiled politely.

“Can’t I just want to have a lovely dinner with my beautiful fiancé?”

Victor’s smile widened as he stepped over.

“Mh, you can. So it was all just a clever ruse then? To get me out?”

“Something like that.”

“I seem to be underdressed.” Victor teased, running his fingers down Yuuri’s tie.

“You do. As I recall you have a very nice red dress you could put on…” Yuuri replied, taking Victor’s hand and pressing a few kisses to his knuckles. Victor hummed, an adorable smile playing across his features.

“I HAVE been looking for an opportunity to wear it…” Victor mused, and Yuuri knew he’d almost won. Taking a deep breath, he pulled the taller man against himself.

“Put it on. The wig, whatever makeup you like…” He trailed off, running his hands up Victor’s arms until he could wrap them around his neck and tug him down. “And _nothing else_. Okay?”

Victor’s smile turned to a blush that made Yuuri want to kiss him right then and there… but they had plans.

He released his fiancé and watched as Victor walked to the bedroom with a dopy grin. As an afterthought, he called after the other man; “And the black suede pumps!”

He didn’t get a reply, but he knew Victor had heard him… and that he was getting ready. Telling Victor not to wear anything under the dress had been a spontaneous decision, and one he was going to ponder for the rest of the day, that he was sure of.

Of course, he was equally sure that he was going to have to wait for at LEAST a half hour for the other man, so he busied himself with the next part of his plan. He already had it all arranged, just had to give the signal… so he sent a text to a certain number, and tried to contain his nerves.


	24. Chapter 24

When Victor eventually stepped out of the bedroom, he felt like the luckiest man alive. His fiancé really had pulled out all the stops and Yuuri felt almost star-struck. Long silver hair hung straight down to his shoulders, and a subtle dark eyeshadow dusted his lids.

Yuuri knew that the style was one popular in Asia – no doubt, he’d chosen it for that reason.

To his surprise, Victor had even put on nail polish, something Yuuri hadn’t even realised he owned, and coordinated it with the dress.

Feeling like a teenage boy about to take a girl he fancied to prom, he offered the now much taller Victor his arm. He linked them together and walked Victor towards the front door.

“Ah… Yuuri? Are we going outside?”

He grinned.

“In a manner of speaking. Don’t worry, it’s only a few steps.”

He could sense Victor’s apprehension, but the other man let himself be moved easily enough. Yuuri cautiously led him outside… where a black stretch limousine was waiting.

Victor laughed in apparent disbelief – but Yuuri just steered him there and opened the door for him. Victor managed to get in surprisingly gracefully, and Yuuri sat next to him. There was a partition up between the driver and them – and as per his request, a bottle of champagne and a rose were waiting there.

His lover picked up the rose with a laugh, studying it as if he’d never seen one before. Yuuri reached for the champagne, pouring them a glass each.

“To us?” he asked when Victor still hadn’t said a word.

“Yes, to us. Yuuri… this… why?”

They each sipped the champagne.

“Today is White Day.” Yuuri informed Victor.

“Oh, a Japanese holiday I don’t know about?”

“Mhm. On Valentine’s days, girls are supposed to give the guys they like chocolate. And on White Day, the men retaliate by giving their girlfriends gifts.”

Victor laughed sweetly.

“So I’m your girlfriend for the night?”

“Victor… you know I don’t see it like that? Just because you wear a dress?”

“Well, Yuuri this IS awfully romantic, you have to admit.”

He shrugged and downed the rest of his champagne in one go.

“So? Romance is gender-neutral.”

Victor contemplated that for a moment before tucking the rose – it was thornless – behind Yuuri’s ear. He had no idea where from, but the other man pulled out his phone and took a few pictures before Yuuri could protest.

“Hey! If you get to do that, I want one as well. With both of us. Is that… okay? I won’t share it.”

Victor nodded, and they scooted closer together.

The Russian leaned his head on Yuuri’s shoulder, his hair spilling down Yuuri’s suit – he was the one holding the phone, having snatched it from Victor’s fingers quickly.

Snuggled together as they were, he put his hand low on Victor’s hip, tugging him closer. His fingers dug into Victor a little harder than they needed to… and just like that, Victor’s hand snapped to Yuuri’s thigh for balance. He snapped a few quick photos, but hadn’t gotten the one he wanted the most yet.

Sliding his fingers even lower, he watched as Victor lifted his head, looking at him with a slightly dazed expression.

“I love you, Victor.” He said quietly, privately, to the other man. Victor’s answering smile was one of the most beautiful things he’d ever seen… and he snapped a quick photo of it before handing the phone back.

“Wow… Yuuri, these are GREAT! Can I post some of them? Or at least show them to people?”

He laughed.

“Of course. As long as you send them to me too.”

Dutifully, his phone buzzed in his pocket a few seconds later.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, enjoying each other’s company and the intimacy of being close to each other, when the car stopped.

Victor was visibly disappointed.

“Are we back already? Aw, I thought it might go on for longer.”

Yuuri grinned.

“Well we can ride around the block again, but don’t you want to see what else I prepared?”

Victor’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.

“There’s… more? It wasn’t just the ride?”

“Of course not. Shall we?”

Victor nearly tripped over his feet climbing out of the limousine.


	25. Chapter 25

Leading his lover inside the understated but elegant restaurant was an experience in and of itself. The restaurant had outdone itself, obeyed every single instruction of his to the letter. The restaurant was dimly lit… and absolutely empty, except for staff.

A waiter greeted them and led them to the centre of the dining area, where a single table was decked out for dinner, including a small vase ready for Victor’s rose.

They sat, and Yuuri absolutely delighted in the way Victor’s eyes were swimming with tears just a little.

“You arranged this? All of this… for me?”

Yuuri smiled.

“Yeah. So we can… go out. In public, but without BEING public. Does that make sense?” A shaky hand reached across the table and tangle their fingers together.

“Yes, Yuuri… it does. And you have no idea how much I appreciate it.”

“Well tonight is about how much _I_ appreciate you.”

Just then, two waiters appeared with covered plates – Yuuri had opted for a set menu, just in case Victor wasn’t keen on the staff being around too much.

He hadn’t studied the menu too closely, had just made sure it sounded like something they would both eat – the fact that Victor wasn’t picky helped.

Staring at the single scallop on his plate, he really hoped that the remaining six courses would be a little more… opulent.

He cut it in half, mimicking Victor who seemed to mind a little less that all there was, was a single scallop. Admittedly, it was delicious.

Subtly looking at his partner, Yuuri realised he would have been just as happy sitting at a McDonalds’s. Just then, Victor looked up from his dish – they were on to the third course, and it had been a small serving of caviar-topped sushi with cream cheese.

“Is something wrong?” Victor asked, having just eaten the last piece.

“No. I was just… being silly. Thinking about how lucky I am and all that.”

Victor beamed.

Their conversation was sparce throughout the next few courses that got progressively more elaborate and at one point required a bit of logical thinking to even be edible – they had been served a deconstructed mini-slider that Victor had insisted they put together before eating… but the parts didn’t quite stack right.

“You said today is you showing me that, right? How lucky you think you are?”

Yuuri nodded, and Victor winked at him.

“Then… assuming we’re back by midnight, tomorrow is MY turn.”

Blushing, Yuuri grinned down at his plate.

The only thing left was dessert – he actually remembered that part from the menu. It was a lemon meringue flavoured panna cotta cake slice. Or, at least he was fairly certain that was what it had said.

Staring at the bubble of dark chocolate on his plate, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

The waiter had placed down a small pouring cup full of what seemed to be a fairly liquid fruit sauce – Victor figured it out first.

With an ‘ohhh’ he poured what was apparently hot sauce over the bubble, and they watched in fascination as it melted away quickly, revealing the cake underneath. Eagerly, Yuuri did the same – he had to admit, it was a great trick.

Victor snapped a few pictures, as he had done throughout the night, and in no time at all, they were done with that too.

As the last dish was taken away, the waiter gave Yuuri a deliberate questioning look, and Yuuri nodded. He wasn’t done surprising Victor yet.

Moments after the waiter disappeared, soft Latin music played through the otherwise silent room, swelling up to a normal volume. Yuuri stood, stepped over to Victor and held out his hand.


	26. Chapter 26

“Would you like to dance?” he asked Victor who was staring up at him in wonder.

Instead of a verbal response, he took Yuuri’s hand and let himself be pulled to his feet. Yuuri had specifically asked for a large portion of the restaurant floor to be empty so they could dance. He’d selected the music himself.

“Yuuri… this is…” Victor whispered as Yuuri led them in a slow tango.

“I thought you might like to go dancing. Are the shoes bothering you?” He checked, hoping his partner wasn’t in pain.

“No, not at all. This is… Yuuri, I haven’t been so happy since… since I first met you. Since you won silver. I can’t believe you arranged all this for me.”

Yuuri spun them as the music sped up, Victor effortlessly keeping up with him – of course.

“Well, believe it. I just wanted to do all the things you told me you missed. From… before. And now.”

He was feeling oddly embarrassed – he had no idea why. Victor was staring at him with such devotion…

The speed changed again, and he pulled the other man closer. His hand slid a little lower on Victor’s back, teasing the end of the very low-cut back section of the dress.

Even moving as they were, he heard Victor’s gasp at the motion – so he let his fingers slide even lower. Victor tugged him closer too, and their steps lost a fair bit of their sophistication as they mostly just stayed pressed together as much as they could.

Sometime during a paso doble, he dipped Victor, just like he had done at the banquet. He didn’t remember, but he had pictures. If it had felt anything then like it did there, Yuuri understood why Victor had fallen for him enough to fly to Japan. When he righted the other man, he matched their steps to the rhythm again, but his goal had changed – he’d had an idea.

When the music allowed it, he spun Victor away from himself, and instead of pulling him back… let go. As Victor turned back, Yuuri sank on one knee in front of him, smiling up at his lover.

“I know… I know that we’ve already got the rings, and our promise, but… Victor Nikiforov… will you marry me?”

For a long moment, Victor didn’t respond at all, before a quiet sob tore itself from him, and Yuuri watched as tears ran down his cheeks. Victor wiped them away quickly, nodding frantically all the while. He pulled Yuuri back on his feet, immediately embracing him, as tightly as he could.

Yuuri held on just as tight, his head spinning like they were still dancing.


	27. Chapter 27

Back in the limousine, on their way home after another hour of dancing, Victor first asked about his proposal.

“Why? We’ve already…”

Yuuri lifted his hand and pressed a kiss to the ring.

“I know. But… but we made that promise when you were still hiding part of yourself. I wanted to make sure that you knew that I wanted to marry all of you. Every part of you, every side and everything you are.”

It sounded cheesy to him, but Victor practically swooned in his arms.

“I know that we can’t, but if we could, I would marry you RIGHT THIS SECOND.” Victor said, his voice low.

Yuuri settled for what they COULD do – kiss.

They were interrupted pretty quickly – by the limousine stopping before their shared home.

He half expected the magic to end there, but it didn’t. They both stumbled towards the bedroom without even really greeting Makka, who thankfully didn’t seem too upset and chose to continue her nap on the couch.

Victor yanked open the bedroom door, and Yuuri immediately pushed him down on the bed, already shrugging out of his suit and letting the pieces fall where they would. Victor’s dress was trickier – he had no idea how it opened, not until Victor’s shaky fingers pulled on an otherwise invisible zip on his side.

Yuuri did his best to be gentle with the expensive fabric but wanted nothing more than to rip it off.

As soon as Victor had shrugged most of the way out of it, Yuuri pulled it off him the rest of the way, incredibly pleased when he found that Victor had, in fact, followed his request and not worn anything else.

Running a hand down Victor’s body, bypassing his erection to spread his thighs and to just… look at his stunning partner, Yuuri gulped. He hadn’t exactly planned that part of their evening – he would have been too embarrassed, really.

He leaned over and pressed a kiss to Victor’s hip, his thumb rubbing circles on the man’s other hipbone. He moved his head a little lower, was just about to take the other man into his mouth when a gentle tug to his hair stopped him.

Victor had a downright predatory look on his face as he sat up and pulled Yuuri away.

“Yuuuuri… did you forget? It’s MY turn to show my appreciation.” Victor said, reversing their positions in an instant. The other man pulled the rest of his clothing off quickly, and after he got the lube from their nightstand, Victor wasted no time in going down on him.

He was a little surprised that Victor wanted him to bottom – not that he minded.

Yuuri had to change his assessment of the situation when, instead of reaching for him, Victor’s lube-slicked fingers slipped between his own cheeks.

He moaned at the sight of his lover fucking himself on his own fingers while sucking him off. Although his mouth became more unrefined the longer it went on, his fingers clearly distracting Victor, Yuuri couldn’t tear his eyes from the other man.

After a few minutes, he gave up the urge to resist and leaned over Victor, adding one of his fingers to the two Victor was using on himself. The position wasn’t exactly elegant, but Victor gave a wanton moan around his cock, his hand speeding up – Yuuri matched his pace.

He could have easily gotten off just like that, but when he felt himself getting close, he pulled back – his hand as well as his cock.

Victor groaned at the loss of contact, his eyes glazed over a little, but he recovered quickly, sitting back on his legs.

“Lay on your back.” Victor requested, his voice rough.

Yuuri obeyed instantly, and watched as Victor lined his cock up with his hole and sank down on him in one smooth motion that had them both moaning each other’s names. Victor sat still for a few long moments – teasingly, Yuuri rolled his hips up, pleased when Victor bodily shuddered above him.

Holding his hips in place with both his hands, Yuuri stuck to those small, grinding motions that seemed to be driving Victor absolutely wild – they weren’t doing much for him, but the way Victor was shaking, squeezing his cock with every motion was incredible.

Eventually, Victor leaned forwards, on Yuuri’s chest for balance, and lifted himself up a little, sinking back down quickly, almost slamming their bodies together. He did it two, three, four more times before pausing… and Yuuri lost his patience.

Careful so as to not hurt the other man, he wrapped his arms around his thighs and then, with one motion that required more strength than he’d expected, he flipped them. Victor landed on his back, his legs hooked on Yuuri’s arms, and he ended up above the other, giving him free reign to fuck into his lover as much and as hard as he wanted.

He didn’t hesitate for a moment, snapping his hips back and forth with as much strength as he dared to use. Victor’s nails had to be drawing blood on his arms, he was holding on so tightly – but Yuuri was mostly pre-occupied with Victor’s face.

His mouth was open, hoarse cries being torn from him with each thrust, shudders wrecking his entire body.

Yuuri knew he wouldn’t last long – how could he – and moved to wrap his hand around Victor’s dick, but to his surprise, the other man knocked it out of the way with his own, mumbling something.

He didn’t catch the words, but put his hand back on Victor’s leg, holding it up. It only took him a few more thrusts – he came on a particularly hard one that had him bottoming out in Victor, both of them crying out hoarsely.

Victor came at the same he did, his back arching impossibly far as Yuuri rode out his orgasm.

When he pulled out a few moments later, they both shuddered at the friction. Yuuri cuddled down on Victor’s shoulder, their hands tangling together as they both laid there panting.

“I love you, Yuuri Katsuki.” Victor eventually gasped.

Still too out-of-breath to respond, Yuuri kissed him on the cheek.


	28. Chapter 28

When Yuuri snuck out of bed the next morning in order to go to training – his was early, Victor’s didn’t start until later – he felt like he was walking on air. The other man was still dead asleep.

They’d had another round after the first, in the shower, and both slept like the dead. Yuuri almost felt like he got more height on his jumps, that was how floaty he felt.

That didn’t stop him from nearly falling on his ass mid-step when he spotted Victor coming in in the afternoon – with _long hair_.

It was tied into a ponytail, and for all the world, his fiancé was acting like nothing was different. Yakov gave him a long look that Victor ignored, and soon he was skating circles next to Yuuri, his ponytail moving with each motion.

“Do you like it?” Victor asked, spinning in a circle in front of him.

“Of course. What made you wear the wig today?”

A guilty look flashed across Victor’s face. “I…ah… didn’t.”

“Huh?”

“Well, after you left this morning, I went to a salon. These-” He ruffled the ponytail, “are extensions. They’ll have to be replaced in a few weeks, but until then… it’s permanent. What do you think?”

Yuuri smiled. “You know what I think. Why so suddenly?”

Victor shrugged. “I sort of thought… why not? It’s not a big deal, for a man to have long hair. Even in public. I just thought I could do it. It’s not too much?”

“You could never be too much.” Yuuri assured him.

“I know that you’ve said you like this… which do you like better?”

Yuuri pursed his lips as he thought about it. “Obviously I want you to have the style you like, but if I had to say… well, your hair was that length when I first saw you and fell for you. That’s… it’s hard to describe.”

Victor smiled.

“I’m glad. What do you think, should I go tease Yuri about how he’s no longer the long-haired Russian fairy and I’m stealing his title?”

Before Yuuri could ask him NOT to upset their rinkmate, Victor had already dashed off and was babbling to the shorter Russian, happily shaking his hair out.

Yuuri snickered.

“That boy is always so dramatic.” Yakov gruffly said, a few moments later.

Yuuri didn’t know what to reply, so he stayed quiet.

“I’ve seen the photo, by the way. I figured it would be easier to ask you about it.” Yakov cleared his throat awkwardly, and to Yuuri’s surprise, looked quite uneasy. “Will Vitya, uh, be competing in the men’s singles still?”

It took a remarkably long time for Yakov’s question to click for him.

“Oh! Yes! Yes! It’s not like that. It, uh, confused me too, at first.”

Yakov gave a deep, weary sigh.

“Well, I’ve known him for longer and he still confuses me, so don’t worry yourself there. I thought he got over this as he grew up… he had a… phase, as a teenager, where he wanted to dress up and all that. I discouraged it, of course, but…”

The coach sighed again.

“Well, it’s good to see he has someone to support him, at least.”

Yuuri thought back a few seconds.

“You… uh… said photo?”

Yakov nodded and pulled his phone out – an older model smartphone that he awkwardly tapped around on for almost a minute before he found what he wanted – an Instagram post of all things.

It showed Yuuri and Victor in the limousine together.

He gasped.

“He… posted that?”

“Yes. Fans are taking it as a stunt, like a preview of the next season.”

Yuuri laughed weakly. “Well, I guess in a sense?”

Yakov gave him a long look. “What exactly changed, all of a sudden? Did something happen last night?”

Yuuri smiled at his lover, who had moved on to actually training and was jumping triple axels like they were nothing.

“Well, I asked him to marry me.” Yuuri answered without thinking.

Yakov seemed unfazed.

“I thought you already did.”

“Well, I asked again. I wanted him to know that I accept him. Completely.”

Yakov groaned quietly.

“You two are as bad as each other. See to it that that boy doesn’t ruin his ankles in high heels, alright? I am NOT going to deal with him if he gets hurt.”

Before he could respond, Yakov had skated off, with surprising speed for his age and size.

Smiling quietly, Yuuri went back to his training too – while they still had time before their debut of the new seasonal performances, Yuuri knew all too well how fast that time could pass… and he still needed a lot of training if he wanted to win that gold medal.


	29. Chapter 29

He waited until they were home to ask Victor about his posting the photo. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it – while he didn’t mind per se, it felt a little like Victor had shared something that was just between them with the world.

He tried to dismiss the thought since it wasn’t fair, and he knew Victor’s identity wasn’t a secret, but it still left an odd taste in his mouth.

“Victor?” He began, after dinner, when they were sitting on the couch.

“Hm?” Victor’s fingers were gently massaging his shoulders.

“Why did you post the photo of us? From last night.”

“You said you didn’t mind. If I did.” Victor said quietly.

“Ah, no, I don’t. I just didn’t think you would.”

“I didn’t either, but you looked so good in the picture… hm, I couldn’t resist. Even if it made some people angry.”

He laughed.

“Did Yuri say something to you?” He asked the Russian.

“Hm, he liked it. Said it made me look, and I quote ‘less ancient’.”

“That’s probably his way of being supportive.” Yuuri replied, though he wasn’t entirely sure.

“I guess. Do you want to go to bed?” Victor’s arms wrapped around his shoulders in an intimate gesture. His fiancé pressed a kiss to his jaw, and nuzzled even closer.

Yuuri agreed and let himself be pulled along behind Victor. It was easy enough to see what his partner was after – he pressed himself against Yuuri and kissed him passionately. While Yuuri kissed back, he wasn’t exactly too into it – and it seemed Victor could tell. After a few seconds, he pulled back in confusion.

“Is something wrong?” He asked, his hands rubbing up and down Yuuri’s back.

“No. I’m just… tired. Sorry.”

“That’s okay?” Victor pulled back awkwardly and stepped away with a forced laugh.

“Sorry.” He said again as they both laid down on their sides of the bed. Victor didn’t respond, so he rolled over and wrapped an arm around Victor’s back. He felt the other man relax a little, but not as much as he would have liked.

He didn’t sleep too well either – something was still… nagging at him.

He couldn’t put it in words even in the privacy of his own mind, and it was quite frustrating. Victor could tell as well, he was sure of it. Things were a little tense between them.

Contrary to his hopes, things didn’t get better as their next day of training progressed. Yuuri still couldn’t name what bothered him, and Victor was visibly unsure how to treat him. That evening though, when Yuuri came back from walking Makka, he found Victor waiting on the couch with a serious look on his face.

He was wearing his brown dress – one Yuuri knew he felt comfortable in.

“Can we talk?” Victor greeted him.

“Uh… sure?” Yuuri anxiously sat down next to Victor.

“I feel like we’re drifting apart again, and I’m not sure why. Did I… do something?”

Yuuri sighed deeply.

“I don’t know? I’ve been feeling odd. Ever since you posted that photo, I’ve been feeling weird.”

“Should I not have? You said it was okay.”

He shook his head.

“I thought so? I can’t work out myself what’s wrong. I guess I felt like… this, you being open about this, was something between us. Not… for the public.”

To his surprise, Victor nodded with a serious expression.

“I… see. I guess I can understand that. But Yuuri, I told you that it isn’t… a sex thing. It’s just me. Who I want to be.”

He flinched a little.

“And I don’t want to make you keep that private either. I just… I guess I wasn’t ready to share that side of you with everyone when I was still… getting to know it myself? With… you? You yourself said you were discovering things.”

Staring at his hands, Yuuri realised that he’d actually been surprisingly successful at voicing his feelings – more so than he would have thought possible a few minutes ago.

“Oh. That… oh. I understand. I didn’t think about it that way.”

His fiancé sighed.

“I’m sorry Victor. I didn’t mean to be weird about this.”

“No, it’s okay. I guess we should have communicated a little more. I was getting ahead of myself. You’ve been so supportive… I wanted to brag I guess.”

He balked at that.

“Brag? With… me?”

Victor laughed.

“Of course. I mean… look at me! I have the most gorgeous, supportive fiancé who planned a romantic evening for me and then nearly killed me in bed… well, of course I wanted to brag.”

Yuuri blushed scarlet as Victor spoke.

“T-That… I don’t know about that.” Yuuri found himself wrapped in a warm, firm hug a moment later.

“Yuuri… I love you. And I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you more about being open about myself.” He hugged Victor back, just holding on to him as hard as the other man held him.


	30. Chapter 30

The next day was much less awkward. They were back to their usual harmony at practice, and Yuuri was feeling less bothered by the picture as well. He’d looked a few times, and found it to have well over a hundred thousand likes, with lots and lots of positive comments – he’d blocked out the mocking and negative ones.

Yakov had been right – people mostly took it as a tease for his upcoming performative season. Yuuri was okay with that – he wanted them to learn each other before they moved on let everyone else see their relationship.

At least, that was how Yuuri put it for himself. Victor hadn’t said anything further on the matter, but Yuuri had noticed that the older skater had dedicated himself more strongly to his training.

As he’d said, he wanted to get it ‘just right’.

Well, Yuuri had always been a sore loser – he certainly wasn’t planning on losing to Victor.

It helped that the routines they had worked out together – well, mostly Victor – were challenging, yet also so well suited to him. Victor had choreographed his last season before they’d gotten to know each other, had done it with just a night and (apparently) an awful lot of fantasy to go on.

This time, he knew Yuuri better, so the performance was a lovely mix of things suited to his strengths and parts challenging his weaknesses. It was everything he loved about skating, and about Victor.

Except for when he fell flat on his face after a quad-quad combo that his sadist of a fiancé put near the end of his program, but that was another matter entirely.

The same went for the ‘new’ Victor. The other man slowly became more confident in himself, with this new side of him. He no longer curled in on himself on the couch when dressed in his new clothes, he no longer quietly changed in the bathroom, and he openly talked to Yuuri about the many, many, MANY makeup products that now crowded his bathroom.

Yuuri had assumed that maybe Victor would move some of his already extensive collection of hair products to make space, but no it was Yuuri’s 3-in-1 shampoo bottle that got moved from the sink to the cabinet. He didn’t comment – he wasn’t insane. He just quietly shuffled his bottle back onto a free spot of the sink when one opened up.

It took some getting used to, Victor getting more comfortable and finding his style – partly because as he lost his worry, he started to experiment more and more. It wasn’t unusual to see Victor with half a face of makeup – and the other half in an entirely different style.

It… wasn’t exactly attractive, but he also wasn’t about to say that. He liked that Victor was himself around him, for the most part. At least… until the beginning of the competitive season.

Victor’s season started a few weeks earlier, with local competitions exclusive to Russian skaters. Yuuri wasn’t happy that Victor’s debut of his new performance wasn’t with Yuuri, but he couldn’t be mad when he stood by the edge of the rink, watching as Victor, in a short white outfit with a frilly skirt, his hair in a high ponytail, skated.

It was beautiful. He knew Victor had another outfit to match – also white, with a half-skirt, half-trousers cut that exposed most of his back except for a sheer layer with rhinestones on it. Victor’s short was a performance of inexperience, of discovery, a rapid progression from slow and quiet to high-speed technical perfection.

Yuuri was spell-bound… and Victor won his competition.

Of course.

He expected Victor to be happy when he came home afterwards, but the opposite was true. The older man came in, hours after him, and practically threw his things around before taking a shower.

Angry, Yuuri realized – he was angry. Keen to help his lover, he stripped down and stepped into the shower with Victor. It wasn’t something he often did, but he wanted to make the other man feel better.

He wrapped his arms around Victor’s chest and pressed a kiss between his shoulder blades.

“Yuuri? Hm, what’s all this then?” Victor spun in his arms, smiling but tense.

“You seem off. Is something wrong?” Yuuri was blunt.

For a moment, he could see Victor hesitate, for a moment, before he leaned forward and rested his forehead on Yuuri’s shoulder.

“It was the reviews. The… comments.”

Yuuri gasped quietly.

“Where… they mean? Did they not like the performance? How? It was brilliant.”

“No, no, they didn’t criticize the performance. They criticized the presentation.”

“How?”

“Well, the reporters called it a joke. Asked if I would be showing my ‘real’ outfit at bigger competitions. Asked why I was playing around.”

Yuuri’s shock was a palatable taste on his tongue. That was… ridiculous. Outrageous, unheard of, he could think of more descriptions really, but all he could do was stammer in horror.

“T-They didn’t?”

Victor laughed quietly and held Yuuri tighter.

“They did. Said it was a nice enough joke, but asked about the real presentation.”

“Victor, I’m so sorry! You need to know, your performance was beautiful. You skated it incredibly well, and I-”

The other man interrupted him with a soft kiss.

“You don’t need to console me. I’m not sad. I’m… mad that they thought it was a joke. Well, the joke is going to be on THEM because I am going to stand on the podium at Worlds _in a fucking skirted outfit_.” Victor half snarled.

Yuuri smiled softly.

“And you will. You’ll be standing to my right, and you’ll look gorgeous there.” Yuuri soothed him, wondering if Victor would pick up on it.

The older man squinted at him.


	31. Chapter 31

“To your right, huh? Think you can beat me?”

Yuuri pressed a kiss to his cheek, wiping away some of the long wet hair stuck there. Victor’s extensions were perfect as always, but even Victor couldn’t make them look sexy under a steady stream of hot water.

“I do. I know aaaall your weaknesses.” To prove it – but mostly to distract his lover from his anger – Yuuri slid his hands from his shoulders down his back and to his hips, where he tightened his grip on the other man.

Victor gasped slightly, but he didn’t collapse against him the way he normally did – not yet anyway. Yuuri brushed more of his hair away from Victor’s face and neck, then leaned up on his tiptoes and placed a biting kiss to the Russian’s neck.

Then another, and another, slowly working his way up and along his pale neck. He knew exactly where to bite in order to get the best reaction. It worked like a charm – as always when he pressed his lips to Victor’s skin. Victor groaned and exposed his neck further to him. All it took was a nudge with his hips against him, to press the older skater into the shower wall, and within seconds he had Victor moaning his name, his hard length pressed against Yuuri’s hip.

He wasn’t normally particularly into shower sex, but Victor was completely irresistible. Running his hands down to the other man’s ass and squeezing, he quietly mourned their time in the off-season.

They couldn’t, not when they both had regular competitions and tougher training. He settled for what he COULD do – wrap his hand around both their erections and pumping it up and down. Victor was mostly held up by Yuuri pressing him into the wall, quietly moaning with every tug of Yuuri’s hand.

The height difference made things a little awkward, but Yuuri knew how to make up for it, pressing them both together as best as he could, hot water spraying down over them both.

He could feel that Victor was close as he sped up his movements, pressed kisses to the other man’s collarbone.

Victor’s hands wound into his hair as he held on for balance, shuddering his way through an orgasm. Yuuri wasn’t far behind, spilling himself only a few moments later. They leaned against each other while a chuckling Victor fumbled to turn the water off.

Shaking himself off a little, Yuuri stumbled out of the shower, straight to the towels. Handing one to Victor, they both toweled down quickly and stumbled onwards to the bedroom. Yuuri reached the bed first and let himself drop in, only for the heavier Victor to practically fall on top of him with a giggle.

“You really know how to make me feel better.” Victor mumbled as he bodily collapsed on Yuuri.

Squirming away, Yuuri smiled. “Well, I had to! It’s not right for you to feel bad when you did so great, just because of a few reporters.”

Victor rolled off him but kept him pressed to the bed. “So… that’s the only reason you showered with me?”

Yuuri blushed slightly and tried to free himself from the other man’s hold. “Well… not the _only_ reason!”

They play-wrestled for a few moments before it simply turned into cuddling. Yuuri was still flying high when he fell asleep – in Victor’s arms.


	32. Chapter 32

Yuuri’s debut of his own performances a week later wasn’t stellar either. He skated okay but not well, and Victor spent a solid two-hour plane trip berating every single thing he’d done wrong.

The worst thing was that he knew Victor was right… but he’d hesitated at every turn, wondering if people would call him a joke too, would question his presentation.

They did not, which was almost worse. Victor had skated fantastically and had gotten bad feedback because of his appearance… meanwhile, Yuuri wasn’t criticized at all, even though he didn’t even do well.

It made him angry – it wasn’t fair.

He channeled that anger into his next few performances – they came far easier, all things considered.

Victor’s next competition was another regional one, although one that counted towards the qualification for Worlds. Yuuri watched a series of announcements and interviews, in which reporters speculated what his ‘real’ presentation would be like.

Well, Yuuri knew.

He couldn’t be at the same competition as he had one of his own in Japan just a day later, but as he watched a live stream, he was grinning like a Cheshire cat as Victor took to the ice. He was skating with a little less emotion, Yuuri could tell, but absolute technical perfection. Almost every element of his routine was so perfect it could be used as instructional material, and yet he still turned out a fantastic performance as well.

He could hear the slight confusion in the commentators words when they discussed his choice of costume – some seemed to think he was still holding out for later performances, others were starting to realise that maybe that WAS the presentation.

Well, Yuuri was just happy Victor could be himself on the ice – and with Yuuri.

He tried to show it in his own performance, easily winning gold, with a several point lead. Victor was less critical after that – he still criticized Yuuri’s technical skills, but he didn’t lose a single word about Yuuri’s presentation or even the performance itself.

That… meant something, he was pretty sure.

He decided to celebrate like it did anyway, and so found himself in a particular store on an off-day, beet-red from the second he stepped inside. The shop was almost an hour from their home, but it had good reviews, and really that was the only thing he could go on.

Steeling himself, he found a friendly-looking saleswoman and asked her, in stuttering Russian, for advice. She listened patiently, and when she understood what he was asking about, beamed at him.

He immediately felt a little better – clearly, she wasn’t judging him. That was… a start.

“Alright.” She said in heavily accented English. “Is for you? Or husband?”

Yuuri flushed a little, but didn’t correct her. “N-Not for me.”

“You have size?”

He nodded, pulling out a set of Victor’s pajamas so she could check the labels herself. They were written in Cyrillic and he hadn’t been able to make it out himself.

She grinned and motioned for him to follow. He did – through the swimwear department where he’d found her, straight to the underwear section of the lingerie store – the women’s section.

He gulped.


	33. Chapter 33

Yuuri felt anxious the whole way home. He was clutching the non-descript bag, his purchases under Victor’s pajamas, the whole cab ride back, feeling like a criminal hiding his haul the entire time.

He knew nobody knew, or even cared what he’d gotten, but he still felt like he was getting away after robbing a bank.

He didn’t allow himself to relax until he was back home, safe behind the closed door with his bag in front of him.

It felt like it stared back at him, taunting him almost. He’d gotten lucky, coming back when Victor was in the shower, which gave him time to work out what to do.

A part of him that sounded suspiciously like Phichit wanted to replace whatever clothes Victor had prepared for himself with the bag, but he immediately dismissed the thought.

They weren’t kids.

Putting away the pajamas in the top of the bag, he neatly arranged the contents to look nice, before tying the handles into a bow and setting it on the couch table.

The shower shut off and he hurried to the kitchen to make himself tea – and an opportunity to watch Victor’s reaction from a few steps away.

“Welcome home, love!” Victor called before coming out of the bedroom with a happy hum.

He was wearing his sweatpants and a large t-shirt – apparently, he’d fancied men’s wear for the day.

Unable to stay away, Yuuri stepped over and kissed him, long and deep.

He’d gotten all but addicted to the way Victor seemed to _never_ be the one to pull away first when they kissed, always lingering and going all pliant.

“You’re back from your shopping trip?” Victor asked, nosing along Yuuri’s neck.

“Mhm… I bought you something.”

Victor’s pleasantly aroused expression morphed to open curiosity.

“Oh?”

He pointed at the bag on the table – Victor immediately wandered over.

“T-This is… it might not fit with what you’re wearing today. You can open it another time.” He suggested.

Victor waved him off and practically tore into the bag, pulling out the first of three tissue paper-wrapped purchases.

It was a set – two actually, of matching bras and panties. They were subtle – not the kind of ‘do me’ style that the more fetish-oriented stuff had.

Victor smiled up at him warmly.

“Is this because of the stupid commentators?” he asked.

Yuuri blushed scarlet and shrugged.

“S-sort of. I wanted to do something nice to cheer you up. I know you’re not happy about how you’re treated… and it’s not fair. As if you’re not the world’s best skater.”

Victor’s smile turned into something softer.

“I really love you, you know.” The Russian said before setting his new stuff down and reaching into the bag again.

Yuuri’s blush deepened when he unwrapped the next thing – a pink lace teddy – or so the saleswoman had said. It was nothing like the Teddybears he’d thought of – it was a short-ish pink dress that split at the front, combined with a matching pink slip. He’d seen a green version on a mannequin, and when he’d spotted the pink one, he hadn’t been able to resist.

Victor raised an eyebrow.

“You picked… this?”

Yuuri cleared his throat.

“I… well, yes? I thought you’d like the colour. And maybe… it’s playful?”

Victor laughed heartily and held it up to his chest. The colour really did look great on him – as expected.

“I’ll save this for another time, I think. I’m definitely not in the mood for… that.” He said, setting it down.

Yuuri nodded and waited for him to get the last thing out – only for his nerves to take over at the last second.

He’d bought it as an afterthought in the shop, spotted it on his way out, actually.

He’d pointed at it and asked for one without even really looking… and now he was regretting it. It was definitely more at home in the ‘do me’ department of the lingerie store – would Victor think it was ridiculous?

“V-Victor? Maybe you could do that one some other time?” he requested.

Victor squinted at him, clearly sensing that something was… off.

“What is it, Yuuri?”

“Nothing. I just… you could look at that some other time.”

The other man pouted.

“Or I could look at it now.”

With a gulp, Yuuri set down his teacup and, when Victor made no motion to put down the bag, he grabbed it and put it on the table in a quick move.

Victor opened his mouth to protest, but before he could, Yuuri had jumped into his lap, pressing him against the back of the couch.

For a few seconds, he kissed Victor passionately and the other man returned the kiss, a little more defiantly and with more teeth than he was used to.

He didn’t have time to think about it though, not when he felt Victor’s hands sneaking past him to the bag, again.

He twisted to grab his wrists, forcing his arms along the backrest of the couch. He pressed down with his full weight, surprised when Victor looked up at him defiantly. Normally he rather… melted when Yuuri was forceful like that.

He cautiously leaned down and pressed a sweet kiss to Victor’s temple. The expected soft sigh or smile didn’t come – instead, Victor stared at him with a sort of hot passion he wasn’t used to.

“Yuuri?”

“Mh?”

“Have you ever wondered which one of us is stronger?”

Well, that was new.


	34. Chapter 34

“Not particularly, why?”

Victor flexed his arms in order to lift them from the couch and Yuuri instinctively leaned down harder, to pin them in place. Victor hissed lightly, but held still under Yuuri. He could tell something about the other man was different – _wrong_ , even. He’d seemed okay a moment ago, but now?

He wasn’t so sure.

“Vitya… what’s wrong?” he asked softly.

The Russian’s expression closed off and he turned away.

“Nothing. Can’t I just want to play around?”

“Play around?”

Victor, despite his pinned wrists, leaned up and pressed their bodies together. Yuuri let go with a squeak so as to not _hurt_ the other man – only for him to immediately grab Yuuri and all but slam him into the couch. The taller man was leaning down over him, almost immediately kissing him like there was no tomorrow.

It was a little like in the beginning, when Victor HAD taken charge – only it wasn’t tender and loving, it was… rough.

Yuuri still kissed him back, but when Victor’s hand roughly pulled at his shirt and slid up his chest, he wrenched it away and broke the kiss.

Truthfully, he knew he _was_ stronger than the other man – and Victor seemed to realise it when he didn’t release him immediately but levelled him with a serious look instead.

“Victor! What’s going on? What is this all of a sudden?!”

Victor huffed. “What, I can’t suddenly want to act like a _man_ all of a sudden?”

“You can act however you want, but this is more asshole than man!” Yuuri replied hotly.

The other skater looked quite shocked at his reply, but quickly went back to glaring.

“Is it? Great! Let’s add that to the list of horrible things I am, shall we? A poof, a sissy, a tranny and _apparently an asshole_!” Victor snarled.

Yuuri’s fingers went limp with shock – he didn’t understand anything anymore. What in the WORLD was Victor on about? He felt wet heat trickle down his cheeks and realised he’d started crying just in time for the first sob to tear itself from his chest.

Victor backed away several feet, staring.

Before he could say anything – anything else, worse maybe – Yuuri dashed to the door, threw his coat and shoes on and stumbled out of the flat. He didn’t actually go outside until after he’d dried his tears, but then, he headed down the street.

He didn’t have a particular goal other than to give Victor space. He didn’t know what Victor was angry about, or why he had said such horrible things, but Yuuri didn’t know how to deal with it any more than he had known how to deal with the man’s attitude.

He shuddered to imagine what sex might have been like with him in that state – angry, cold, detached.

No, he never wanted that.

He’d calm down, give Victor some time to work on his own temper and then go back and talk, hopefully.

As if to derail his plans, the phone rang – Mila.

“Hello?”


	35. Chapter 35

Yuuri stumbled back into his flat hours later, absolutely exhausted. He hadn’t expected Mila’s call – and request to help her carry some things since everyone else was busy – to take so long… or for it to be so exhausting.

She’d as it turned out, volunteered for a kid’s outreach program and they had saddled her with moving almost a hundred boxes of fliers, leaflets, little gifts and more – and those things were heavy.

Mila had tried the others – Georgi, Victor, even Yuri Plisetsky, but none of them had had time… so Yuuri had gone.

His arms were burning, his back was aching, and his toes were throbbing – he’d stubbed them more than once while carrying boxes.

He dropped the bag he was carrying in the kitchen – Mila had bought him pizzas to apologise for the trouble – and dropped onto the couch with a pained groan.

It only took him a few seconds to realise he wasn’t alone – that Victor had silently come out of the bedroom and was now leaning against the wall, his expression unreadable.

“You came back.”

“Did you not want me to?” Yuuri asked, on his guard.

Victor ran a hand through his hair, messing it up a little.

“No, no I just wasn’t sure if you’d maybe gone to sleep somewhere else or something.”

“I can if you want me-”

“No!” Victor snarled, interrupting him mid-word.

Silence rang in the room between them before the Russian hid his face in his hands with a wretched groan.

Yuuri cautiously stood up and walked over to him. He still didn’t know what was wrong, but he could tell that Victor needed his help.

He was at a loss as to what to say though – he had no frame of reference for Victor’s behaviour.

He cautiously reached out for Victor’s hand, running his fingers down the back of it.

“You know that I love you, right?” he asked, praying it was the right thing to say.

For a moment he wasn’t sure – then Victor sobbed and quite literally threw himself at Yuuri. He crashed into him with his full weight, driving the air out of Yuuri and making him stumble back.

He viciously banged his ankle into the foot of the couch, his other leg hitting the couch table. He only just kept his balance, wrapping his arms around Victor’s back and holding him up with sheer strength.

The man was openly sobbing into Yuuri’s neck, clutching onto him so hard his fingers probably left bruises on Yuuri’s skin.

He didn’t mind, awkwardly shuffling until he could drop onto the couch, absorbing the impact of Victor dropping onto him with his full weight.

It brought tears to Yuuri’s eyes, Victor’s head banging into his shoulder quite hard… but at least he could allow himself to relax.

Yuuri started petting Victor’s hair, gently arranging it back into the neat long tresses he’d gotten used to.

Victor held him even tighter, so Yuuri held on to him until his sobs died down and were replaced by a few small hiccups… and eventually silence.

“Vitya?” Yuuri mumbled eventually – only for the man in his lap to tense significantly.

“ _I’m so sorry, Yuuri_.” Victor whispered urgently into his neck. “I treated you so horribly and I’m really sorry!”

Yuuri gently patted his head. “Can you explain it to me? Please? I don’t understand what’s happening.”

Victor took a shuddering breath and shifted a little, into a more comfortable position for Yuuri.

“It’s the media. The reviewers. They’ve been saying… bad things. A lot of them. Some of them have called me the ‘joke of the season’.”

Yuuri gasped in shock. “J-Just because of your hair? The costume?”

Victor nodded quietly against his neck and Yuuri rubbed a soothing hand over his back.

“I just got so _frustrated_ I thought about throwing it all away about going back to before, and then it just… it all boiled over, somehow.”

“Okay...” Yuuri could understand that. His anxiety had him feeling like that more than he cared to admit.

“But what happened… o-on the couch earlier?” he asked.

To his surprise, Victor leaned back, his tear-streaked cheeks gleaming in the light. He smiled sardonically, and ran a gentle hand across Yuuri’s cheek.


	36. Chapter 36

“I was… I was going mad. I felt so trapped and I was desperate to provoke you. I know it sounds horrible but I just wanted… I wanted you to push me down and take all my choices away from me. So I wouldn’t have to think, or decide, or…” he broke off, running a hand over his face.

Yuuri was trying to process his words before gently taking Victor’s hand and pressing a kiss to his knuckles.

“T-That’s not a healthy way of dealing with this.” Yuuri said, trying to keep his voice steady.

“I know… and I’m sorry. I just didn’t see any other way to, and…”

Yuuri held his hand up to Victor’s lips to silence him, surprising them both.

“Victor, I love you. I wish you’d just talked to me about all this. I could have… we could have found a solution.”

Victor laughed bitterly, kissing Yuuri’s finger before pulling back a little.

“A solution? The only solution is to go back to before. I don’t… I don’t think I can take this for a whole season or more. It’s already difficult to be honest just with you, but all this ridicule?” Victor shook his head.

“No! I wasn’t going to suggest that. I was going to say, maybe… maybe there are things we can do. Maybe Yakov can talk to some of the reporters. Ice skating is a small sport, he may know someone.” Yuuri suggested.

Victor stared at him wide-eyed – clearly that hadn’t occurred to him.

Or was it a bad idea?

Yuuri decided to press ahead anyway, to just suggest whatever he could think of.

“You could just not read the reviews. You’re the best skater in the world. It doesn’t matter what they say.”

Victor winced. “I-It does matter. It hurts me.”

Yuuri shook his head. “No, I mean, you don’t need to see their criticism. You can just not look. It’s not like you _need_ feedback from anyone.”

The Russian smiled softly. “Well, I don’t really want anyone’s feedback other than yours, but it’s a habit.”

Yuuri nodded and tried to come up with other alternatives.

“Y-You could make a complaint. To the RSU or ISU. About unprofessional behaviour. There’s no way they would stand for having their top skater treated like this.”

He thought about it for a moment, the shrugged lightly. “I guess you could sue them? I don’t know, in America people seemed to sue a lot.”

Victor laughed at that – a far more… relieved sound than he’d expected.

“Not in Russia. Not like that anyway. But… but some of those sounded good. Ahh, I feel like an idiot for not just talking to you.” He groaned before wrapping himself tightly around Yuuri again.

He retaliated by hugging the other man just as hard.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. It wasn’t good, and you scared me, but… but we’re talking now, okay?”

Victor gave a small nod.

“I’m sorry that I freaked out when you were bringing me gifts earlier. I-It just… the second thing? The pink lace?”

Yuuri nodded. “Did you not like it…?”

Victor smiled weakly. “I do. I _did._ Except it reminded me of a comment, actually. Some third rate newspaper wrote something like ‘what’s next, will he show up to a press conference in nothing but pink lace panties?’”

The Russian gulped. “I actually didn’t see that until you were already gone shopping. And you couldn’t possibly have known, but it just… pushed me over the edge.”

Yuuri opened his mouth to respond, but Victor pressed a firm kiss to his bottom lip before he could speak.

“I know what you’re about to say. And I appreciate it, but don’t apologise. I was the one who was mean to you. You’re right, I _was_ an asshole. I shouldn’t have tried to have sex with you just because I was mad.”

He nodded – he rather agreed. “I’m not mad or anything, okay? I was confused, and hurt, and then while I was out Mila called, and… one thing led to another so I was gone for a while.”

“You’re not angry anymore?”

“I never really was. I meant it, I _love_ you. And I know this isn’t easy, but you’re being incredibly brave by being yourself.” Yuuri said, his fingers wrapping around Victor’s in the small space between their chests.

Victor breathed a quiet ‘oh’ and his cheeks stained pink – Yuuri allowed himself a smile.

“You know, I do wonder why you put up with my drama sometimes.” Victor said, his voice a fad too cheerful.

Yuuri stuck his tongue out.

“Yeah, I feel that way when I have an anxiety attack. Or I fail a jump for the sixth time in a row. I don’t know about you, but I for one am _more_ than happy to put up with the odd low for you.”

Victor chuckled.

“Oh? That’s what you think you should worry about?”

Yuuri would have genuinely worried there, if Victor hadn’t been grinning playfully.

“What should I be worried about then, coach?” he teased, his fingers wrapping around Victor’s waist and yanking him so close they were pressed together completely.

Victor sighed in what looked to be equal measures of comfort and arousal. He wasn’t going to start anything, but it felt… _right._

“Mhmmmm, I’m not a young man anymore, Yuuuuri! Seeing you walk around the flat, on the ice. In the changing room. You might just kill me with a heart attack one of these days.” Victor punctuated his words with a wink, and Yuuri smiled brightly.

“Oh? Well, I certainly hope I won’t lose you _too_ soon… but if so, I’ll make it worth your while?” he bat his lashes at Victor, who after a moment burst into a deep, loud laugh – almost too much so, but Yuuri could tell he needed it, so he simply smiled indulgently at his lover.

Victor eventually gave him a kiss – a sweet, chaste kind – before standing up off the couch and giving him a hand up too.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty tired. Do you want to go to bed?”

Yuuri nodded and followed him to the bedroom – they could talk more after a good night’s sleep.


	37. Chapter 37

Or so Yuuri had thought – instead, the next morning, he woke to Victor talking to Yakov on the phone. With how much the old Russian was yelling, Yuuri was fairly sure Victor could have heard him _without_ the phone.

Well aware that he wasn’t getting more sleep, he rolled out of bed and stumbled into the shower.

When he came out, he discovered why the phone was so loud – Victor had put Yakov on speaker and was sitting in the middle of a giant pile of… newspaper clippings? He also had a tablet out, on which he occasionally tapped around a bit.

Unwilling to disturb, Yuuri pressed a quiet kiss to Victor’s cheek and went to make himself – and after a glance into Victor’s empty cup him too – a cup of tea.

Victor finished maybe another ten minutes later, and stretched out on the couch with a groan and his tea.

“What was that about?” Yuuri asked from his perch on one of the kitchen stools.

“I did what you suggested. Asked Yakov to help. He was _furious._ Apparently he didn’t realise how bad it had gotten, and he helped me make a list of the worst and rudest comments so he could take it up with their publishers and the ISU.”

“I’m glad. I hope it helps. They have no right to treat you like anything less than what you are.” Yuuri said decisively.

Victor peeked over the edge of the couch playfully.

“Oh? And what am I?”

Yuuri grinned and sashayed over.

“My gorgeous lover.” He pressed a kiss to the corner of Victor’s mouth. “My amazing fiancé.” Another kiss to Victor’s forehead. “And the most beautiful man I have ever met.” He said with a final kiss to Victor’s lips.

The Russian had started to blush, the shade getting darker with each word he spoke – when Yuuri finally kissed him properly, he found himself pulled into a deep, open-mouthed kiss that lasted a lot longer than he’d expected.

Victor whispered something – Yuuri’s Russian was good enough to understand that it meant ‘I love you.’. He replied in Japanese, pressing another kiss to Victor’s forehead before getting back up and heading back to his tea.

Victor was pouting on the couch.

“Is that it?”

Yuuri chuckled. “I have to go to training soon. I’d rather not make Yakov mad by being late.”

Victor dramatically flopped back onto the couch.

“No, no, of course not. But what about poor little me? All alone here, with nothing to do…”

Yuuri grinned and sipped his tea.

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to keep yourself… occupied until I get back.” He teased – no doubt Victor would be on Twitter, critiquing other people’s skating in no time at all.

Or testing out some new beauty projects, or any number of the things he enjoyed doing.

Yuuri did feel a little sad when he headed out – that kiss on the couch had really affected him. Still, training came first, and Yuuri knew he had enough stamina to potentially continue once he got back – provided Victor was up for it.


	38. Chapter 38

He REALLY regretted leaving in the morning when he checked his phone after a few hours of training. Victor had texted him quite a few times – and with a considerable number of photos attached. The first few were innocent enough – Victor with Makka, Victor stretched out on the couch…

Then the pictures changed, and suddenly it was Victor in bed, Victor shirtless…

When reached the last picture, he nearly choked on his own spit – it was a photo from a downwards angle, and it showed Victor from his shoulders to his thighs – and the man was wearing one of the things Yuuri had bought him.

Not just anything though, but rather the thing he hadn’t even given to Victor because he’d been too shy.

THAT thing.

He froze for a good thirty seconds, staring at every intimate detail of the picture, desperately wishing he could teleport straight home.

Instead, he got changed, and ran – a straight sprint, as fast as he could safely manage. He beat his personal best by several minutes, and was completely out of breath when he unlocked the front door.

Makka greeted him as usual, but safe to say he was FAR more preoccupied with being greeted by her owner.

When Victor was nowhere to be seen, he headed straight for the bedroom – he was not disappointed.

Dear God was he not disappointed.

Yuuri gulped, frozen in the doorway, unable to move a muscle.

Victor was posing on the bed, clearly as of yet unaware of Yuuri’s presence – he was trying to take a picture of himself, it seemed.

He was still wearing the same outfit, laying on the bed, one finger hooked into the collar section of the strappy satin… thing he’d bought, his other hand up above, snapping a few pictures as he arched his back.

Yuuri didn’t doubt the pictures would be devastating – almost as soon as Victor was done, he tapped at his phone and within moments, Yuuri’s phone buzzed in his pocket – the sound startled Victor enough that he dropped his own phone.

“Hi…” Yuuri purred, surprising even himself with the tone of his voice. “I see you found a way to keep busy while I was gone?” he teased, finally stepping into the bedroom.

Victor laughed a little – he was visibly uncertain, probably wondering if he’d crossed a line or something.

Well, Yuuri couldn’t have that.

He crossed over to the bed, where Victor shuffled until he was sitting on his knees, watching Yuuri like a hawk.

Yuuri didn’t even hesitate, just reached out and hooked his finger under the same satin band around Victor’s throat that he had during the photo.

It closed with a hook in the back of his neck, Yuuri knew, but he was more preoccupied with how Victor gulped, his throat shifting along Yuuri’s finger.

He pulled forward, and Victor leaned back a little, making the fabric bite into his skin the smallest bit.

Yuuri loved the contrast the black made on Victor’s skin, and he let his eyes trail lower. Several straps, arranged asymmetrically laid tight over his chest – on a woman they would have probably formed a sort of revealing bra, but on Victor they simply decorated his chiseled chest, letting his nipples peak out in between the dark fabric.

More straps wrapped around his back, leaving his stomach bare and coming back around his hips, where they formed a _very_ low v-shape – he would have been exposed had he not put on the low-rise panties that came with the strappy top.

Yuuri released the collar, traving his fingers along one of the straps without touching Victor’s skin at all.

“Is it okay? That I… looked.” Victor asked, his voice breathless.

Yuuri nodded, spell-bound as he trailed his hand along the strap until it intersected another, leading even lower.

“You look incredible.” He breathed when he finally reached as low as he could – to get further, he would have had to run his fingers over the straps around his hips.

“Y-Yeah? It’s not too soon after… yesterday? I didn’t want to push, but Yuuuuri, that kiss this morning _did things_ to me.” Victor groaned, running a hand through his hair – it caused the straps to shift, one of them rubbing along Victor’s nipple, making the man shudder wantonly.

“I felt the same, this morning.” Yuuri mumbled, leaning down to Victor’s height. Forget the kiss, seeing Victor like this was doing far more to him.

It was resonating with a part of himself he almost didn’t recognise, and one he certainly wasn’t familiar with – a tiny voice in the back of his head that urged him to _take_ Victor, to push him down, hold him, take his pleasure from him.

They’d skirted around the subjext before, but Yuuri had always refused or kept things fairly innocent – anything else would have made him feel… phony.

That wasn’t the case now – instead, he felt confident, powerful and… commanding.

He hooked his finger under the strap covering Victor’s nipple and lightly pulled – it had a bit of give, just enough to pull it an inch or so from Victor’s skin.

“Yuuri…” Victor breathed quietly – in response, Yuuri pulled his hand back, letting the strap snap on Victor’s skin with a satisfying sound, followed by an even better one – an outright moan from the Russian.

Still, before he took things further, Yuuri needed to make sure that Victor was in the right headspace too, that he wasn’t doing this out of guilt or anger, or anything else.

Yuuri gently grasped Victor’s chin and leaned in, looking closely at him.

“You want this?”

“Yes.” Victor said, without the barest bit of hesitation.

“And it’s not… like yesterday?”


	39. Chapter 39

For a moment, Victor looked taken aback, before an almost sappy expression washed over him. Yuuri could practically _see_ how much Victor loved him.

“No, promise. I’ve… wanted this sort of thing for a while. If that’s what you’re… thinking about.”

Yuuri didn’t need to ask to know what he meant, and he knew his own answer before Victor finished speaking.

“I _want_ you.” He growled, before kissing Victor – hard, unrelenting and without giving him any chance to respond or adjust.

He pushed his way into Victor’s mouth, his tongue exploring without any hesitation, his hand wrapping around Victor’s neck all the while.

The man before him _whimpered_ , and only then did Yuuri let him go again, pulling back.

His stunning blue eyes were unfocused, and Yuuri could see the damp spot on his panties – quite literally a wet dream come true – for Yuuri anyway.

He placed his fingers on Victor’s sternum, hooking them under several of the straps and pulling him forward – enough to knock him off balance and pull him all the way to the edge of the bed.

Victor let himself be pulled, not hesitating the least bit as he reached out, tugging on Yuuri’s shirt.

Yuuri batted his hands away and stepped back – he could hardly credit the adorable whine the other man gave as he watched Yuuri strip out of his clothes as fast as he could.

He felt self conscious for a moment as he stood there, completely naked, but it faded immediately – practically as soon as he’d taken off his pants, Victor’s eyes had zeroed in on his erection. The older man had lightly bit his lower lip and clenched his fist, as if to stop himself from reaching out.

Well, that wouldn’t do.

He lightly lifted Victor’s chin, making him meet Yuuri’s eyes.

“Lube?” he asked – hoping the man would understand the question for what it was – confirmation of where Victor wanted this to go.

They had competitions upcoming, but nothing immediate, and they both could live without training for a day.

“ _Yes.”_ Victor breathed, his voice quiet and deep. He shuffled away, moments later returning with a small bottle – he had kept it under a pillow, it seemed.

Yuuri uncapped it with a smirk. He had an idea, and he’d bet his life on Victor liking it.

“Get off the bed.” He ordered confidently.

Victor scrambled to obey, and Yuuri used the opportunity to sit on his knees, against the headboard, his legs spread.

He showily drizzled a bit of the flavoured lube onto his cock before stroking himself a few times.

Victor was all but panting, staring at the motion of his hand.

“Pants off.” He ordered next – and Victor immediately shuffled out of them, without disturbing the straps on his body.

“Come here.” Yuuri requested, only to hold up his hand to stop him when Victor moved to step around the bed.

“No… _crawl._ ” He said, incredibly pleased when Victor cursed rather loudly and did just so, his eyes never leaving Yuuri’s erection.

He thoroughly enjoyed watching the taller man crawl across his huge bed, though not as much as he enjoyed pulling him by the faux-collar again, straight into a downright filthy kiss.

When he pulled back this time, Victor shivered, and for the first time Yuuri was starting to worry about his stamina – he wasn’t sure he’d be able to last long.

He wound his fingers into Victor’s hair, getting a good grip, and pushed his head down towards his own erection.

Victor moved with it, so much so that Victor ended up pulling Yuuri’s hand lower in his eagerness.

He chuckled a little, before directing himself straight into Victor’s welcoming mouth.

The man groaned loudly, the vibration sending a tingle throughout his entire body.

He used his grip on Victor’s hair to set a pace – not too slow, not too fast. He wasn’t done yet – he had a few more things planned, after all.


	40. Chapter 40

With Victor delightedly bobbing his head up and down, Yuuri studied his now-exposed back for the first time – the straps formed a gorgeous pattern there too.

Releasing Victor’s hair, he shifted a little and ran his fingers over the exposed parts of skin in between the straps. That wasn’t his ultimate goal though – balancing a little bit, he reached further and hooked his fingers under one of the straps that sat diagonally over Victor’s ass.

Like before, he lifted it, only to let it snap back in place, drawing all but a howl from the other man.

One of Victor’s hands snapped between his legs and he briefly pulled his mouth of Yuuri, breathing harshly.

“Yuuri… Yuuri…” Victor panted, his hand no doubt wrapped around his own cock to slow himself down.

“Mhm?” he asked, running his fingers along another strap. “No good?” he checked when Victor didn’t say anything.

With a visible shudder, the Russian lifted his head.

“More?” he requested – well, Yuuri was happy to oblige him.

He gently directed Victor’s mouth back to where he wanted it before lifting and snapping another strap, and then another.

The reaction was the same every time – a full-body shudder together with a groan around his cock.

Yuuri repeated the motion a few more times, and when he could see that Victor’s skin was starting to redden, he ran a gentle hand over the globes of Victor’s ass.

The other man whined, speeding up his motions – it seemed he was getting impatient.

Yuuri grinned and reached for the lube again – the straps had merely been a distraction from what he’d originally thought of.

Carefully coating his fingers in lube, he shifted his position further, to allow him to reach over his taller lover.

Then, with little warning, he slipped his fingers between Victor’s cheeks and teasingly ran a finger along his hole.

That was all it took – Victor practically gagged himself on Yuuri’s cock and came with a howl, his body shuddering under Yuuri’s touch.he patiently waited for his fiancé to ride it out, for him to come down enough to talk – but Victor didn’t seem interested in talking.

Instead, he simply kept at it, sucking Yuuri even more vigorously than before.

When Yuuri didn’t move, he also impatiently wriggled his hips – apparently, he was more than eager to continue.

Yuuri was _so_ up for that. He resumed his motion, gently circling his finger a few times before pushing it in – there wasn’t much resistance at all, which meant…

“Victor, did you play with yourself while I was gone?” he asked.

Victor didn’t reply in words, he simply shifted and gripped his hand on one of Yuuri’s thighs, his mouth speeding up quite a bit.

Yuuri groaned quietly, his finger curling automatically, and Victor shuddered against him.

He was a quick enough study – in no time at all, he was fucking Victor with three of his fingers, occasionally curling them just so to brush his prostate, Victor moaning every time he did.

He could feel himself getting closer with every drag of Victor’s tongue against him, with every vibrating groan the other man gave… but that wasn’t how he wanted to come.

Without warning, he pulled his hand back, and used his other hand to pull Victor off him too.

The other man was far less eager this time, resisting enough that Yuuri had to pull a fair bit.

When Victor finally gave in and leaned up, his blue eyes meeting Yuuri’s brown ones, he had to fight the urge to come on the spot.

The Russian’s mouth was swollen, drool dripping down his chin, and a thread of it still connected to his – Yuuri’s – cock.

It shouldn’t have been as hot as it was.

“Do you want more?” Yuuri asked. It seemed to take Victor a second to process his question, but as soon as he did, he turned around, positioning himself on the bed.

It wasn’t quite the position Yuuri had been thinking of, but he could _definitely_ work with it.

Victor had himself up on his knees, ass high in the air, his cheek pressed into the blanket, his arms curled up on the bed next to him.

An idea occurred to Yuuri – he wasn’t sure if it would be too much, if it would even work, but the mental image of it… he gulped.

“Vitya, can you give me your hands like this?” he asked.

It took the man a second to figure out how to rotate his shoulders, but then his arms were folded across his back – it was easy to lift two of the straps on each side of his lower back and to pull his hand through, careful not to strain any of Victor’s joints.

The other man figured out what he was doing when he lifted the second pair of straps it seemed, because he shuddered so hard Yuuri thought he might collapse on the bed.

He carefully fixed Victor’s second arm in place, checking that it wasn’t too uncomfortable for him.

Based on how hard he was again, already, he really didn’t need to worry.

The visual of Victor like that, arms tied behind his back and all but helpless on the bed, it was easily the most erotic thing Yuuri had ever seen.

He realised he’d said that out loud only when Victor moaned and started begging – begging for Yuuri to fuck him already.

In his excitement, he squirted way too much lube onto his dick, but he paid it no mind as he carefully spread Victor’s cheeks and pushed inside of him.

It felt heavenly, and after giving himself a second to adjust, he pulled out and pushed back in.

He lightly altered Victor’s position, pulling his hips back so more of his weight was resting on his knees than on his shoulders and neck, before pulling back out and thrusting into his lover a little harder.

Almost immediately, he realised he wouldn’t be able to keep that up for long, that between the outfit, the tight heat around his dick and having _Victor_ spread out before himself, he wouldn’t last much longer.

He tightened his grip on Victor’s hips and changed his angle, until Victor was moaning with every thrust, pushing back against Yuuri with what little leverage he had to move.

It all melted together into one giant ball of sensation – Yuuri could hardly tell where he ended and Victor began.

He almost didn’t realise when he was ready to come, and quickly reached down to stroke Victor – or at least he’d planned to. He needn’t have bothered – before he could even reach, Victor came with a scream, his ass clenching around Yuuri over and over.

He managed to thrust twice more before it was too much for him and he came inside his fiancé, moaning his name as he rode out what was easily one of the best orgasms of his life.

Victor seemed to come forever – he moaned and shuddered for longer than Yuuri would have thought possible before unceremoniously collapsing on the bed.

Yuuri had the urge to do the same, but made sure to carefully free Victor’s hands before he allowed himself to stretch out next to Victor.


	41. Chapter 41

He half expected to pass out immediately, but when he saw the oddly vulnerable expression in Victor’s face, he forced himself to shake off his fatigue and to crawl a bit closer.

Victor groaned weakly and all but threw an arm around Yuuri, tugging him close.

He went willingly, sinking into Victor’s embrace.

The Russian was quiet for a few moments before sighing and whispering Yuuri’s name. He shuffled far enough that he could look up into Victor’s face.

“Was… that okay?”

Now, in the afterglow of what had just happened, he wasn’t so confident anymore, and he was suddenly wondering if he’d gone too far, if he’d overdone it, or if Victor had maybe not liked it as much as he had.

His fiancé laughed quietly.

“Oh Yuuri… that was more than okay. You should have warned me that me sending you those photos was going to end in you making every single fantasy I’ve had about you come true at once.”

Yuuri felt himself blush at the unexpected words, hiding most of his face in Victor’s shoulder.

“I-I didn’t plan any of this. The… the outfit was an impulse buy, and then I was just improvising, and…” he stuttered.

Victor hummed and shook his head.

“None of that. It was _fantastic._ Did you enjoy it too? I know it’s not your normal… style.”

Yuuri smiled. “Of course I enjoyed it! It was great. I just… I don’t know what came over me, that’s all.”

The other skater pressed a kiss to his forehead and tightened his hold on Yuuri.

“I don’t know either, but this outfit is now literally my favourite piece of clothing.”

Chuckling, Yuuri gently lifted one of the straps and released it – hardly enough to even snap it, but enough to make Victor groan.

“Even more than that black Armani suit you wear on special occasions?”

Victor mock-glared. “Did I stutter?”

Yuuri laughed at the goofy attitude, and Victor joined in. After a few moments of companionable silence, he stretched.

“We should get up and clean up. We’re both sticky.” He said.

To his surprise, Victor made no move to let go of him.

In fact, quite the opposite.

“Can we stay for a bit longer? I don’t think I can move yet. I’m feeling a bit… raw.” Victor admitted, his fingers shifting through Yuuri’s tousled hair.

“O-Of course. Did I hurt you, was I too rough? ” he asked, suddenly worried again.

Victor laughed. “No, no. You were _perfect_. I more meant… emotionally. I did NOT expect this when I decided to snap those pictures.”

Yuuri hid more of his face against Victor’s chest.

“W-Well I didn’t think I was the type to be able to do something like that at all, so…”

To his surprise, Victor snickered.

“Really? I knew you were capable of this type of thing. I’ve gotten to know your eros pretty well by now.”

He pouted against the other man’s skin.

“W-well, it surprised me.”

“Is it something you’d be interested in… repeating? On occasion. Just every now and again. I don’t think I’d survive if we did this too often.”

Fighting his embarrassment, Yuuri thought about it. He’d loved every second of it, and while he was also a bit embarrassed, he didn’t _dislike_ finding this new side of himself.

Exploring that with Victor…

His dick, soft as it was, gave an interested twitch. He was pressed close enough that Victor apparently felt it – the Russian moaned and gave him a weary look.

“Yuuri… please tell me you don’t want to go again? I don’t think I could take any more.”

Blushing, he shook his head. “N-No! Don’t worry about it. I was just thinking that I wouldn’t mind… on occasion. That. If you want.”

Victor smiled brightly and pressed a kiss to his lips – more of an enthusiastic smooch than anything else, he realised with a chuckle.

He really was the luckiest man in the world.


	42. Chapter 42

He reminded himself of this frequently in the next three weeks – particularly whenever Victor was working him to the bone in their often gruelling training sessions. In other words, most of their training sessions. The only positive thing was that while he only had training for a bit, Victor had more competitions – and whatever Yakov had done, it had worked, because the nasty comments had rapidly died down to the odd snarky remark that Victor ignored.

Which really made it all the more surprising when Yuuri came home after one of his solo sessions, and found that the flat wasn’t empty – or rather, that in addition to Victor, there were three Americans in their living room.

They had set up an entire mini-photoshoot, and one of them was interviewing Victor.

“Yuuri!” His lover excitedly shouted as soon as he closed the door behind himself. The Americans didn’t seem too surprised by his appearance – it was two guys and one woman. She was the one interviewing Victor, and she was the first one to come over to greet him.

“Hi, Mr. Katsuki! I’m Anna Collins from Skating International. We’re doing a feature on your fiancé and he invited us to your home for it. I hope you don’t mind.”

He absent-mindedly shook her hand. Her two colleagues came over as well.

“Hi, I’m Nate, this is Bradley. Nice to meet you!”

“Yes, hi, nice to meet you too. Of course, it’s not a problem. If you want, I can just go into the bedroom so I don’t disturb you guys?” he offered.

Anna immediately waved him off. “No, no, don’t be silly! We’re just interviewing Victor about the recent conflict he’s been having with the Russian reporters.”

Almost instinctively, he wrapped his arm around Victor’s waist – the other man had come over to greet him as well. He was dressed in his normal ‘male’ clothes – a loose sweater over a no doubt expensive shirt and slacks.

Yuuri protectively squeezed him.

“You didn’t tell me about this?” he asked Victor, only for the man to awkwardly laugh.

“I… must have forgotten, sorry Yuuri. I think they have some questions for you too.”

He looked at the group, and Nate nodded.

“Why don’t I ask you them while Anna finishes up with Victor?”

And just like that, he was sitting in the kitchen with Nate, who had a notebook in front of him.

“Well then, Mr. Katsuki! I understand that you encouraged Victor to pursue his current theme and style?”

Yuuri laughed. “Please call me Yuuri, and yes I did. Victor wanted to do something different, and when he decided this was it, I obviously wanted to support him.”

“What did you think of the reactions of the press?”

He paused for a second before shrugging. “I thought it was incredibly unprofessional. Although Victor certainly did something different, he received a lot of really hateful comments.”

Nate nodded and scribbled his answer down.

“And what do you think of the fan reactions? Around the world, Victor has received quite a lot of attention.”

He blinked in surprise.

“H-Has he? I didn’t know. I don’t really have social media.”

He could hear a snicker behind himself – clearly, Victor was listening to his interview.

“Well, internationally, his unique presentation has been praised by critics, skaters, and fans alike, with very few exceptions.”

He couldn’t help the proud look that spread on his face at hearing that – how could he NOT be proud at that?

“I think that’s great. I’ve been Victor’s fan since I was a child, and to be honest when he said he was going back to longer hair…” he blushed, and Nate gave him a knowing grin. Putting his pencil down, the other man leaned a bit closer.

“Looks great, right? I’ve been his fan for a long time too, and it looks as good now as it did ten years ago!”

Yuuri nodded eagerly, surprisingly happy that Nate apparently felt the same.

“I would have been fine whatever he chose to do, but I think this theme and this presentation is really a good fit for him. It’s challenging, it’s new, and it’s definitely surprising for his fans.” Yuuri said, doing his best _not_ to sound like an absolute fanboy.

Behind him, Victor snickered again.

“In _fact_!” Yuuri said, his eyes narrowing, “Victor could have shaved his head _bald_ and I’m sure he’d have still been looking great.”

“YUURI!” Victor gasped, obviously shocked, giving up the pretense he wasn’t listening.

Yuuri turned in his seat and unkindly smiled at his fiancé, who was outright pouting.

“That was mean!” Victor complained after a few seconds, looking rather petulant.

“Then stop listening to me and focus on your own interview! I could hear you laughing.”

Victor playfully stuck his tongue out at him and turned back to his own interview.


	43. Chapter 43

Once the surprise interview was done and the three had left, Yuuri sat on the bed, playing on his phone while he watched Victor change into the beige dress he favoured around the flat. He smiled as he watched Victor tug at it until he was satisfied with it before spinning around and smiling at Yuuri playfully.

“Did you have fun with Nate?” Victor asked.

“Yes. It was fun talking to someone else who was your fan.”

To Yuuri’s surprise, Victor huffed and unceremoniously sat in his lap.

“Yeah? Was it? More fun than talking to me?”

He gave Victor an incredulous look.

“How can you even _ask_ that?! It’s ridiculous.” He huffed, his hands wrapping around Victor’s waist, holding him in place out of habit.

Victor… sighed.

“He was good-looking, right? Nate.”

Yuuri blinked, trying to remember – the man had been in his early 30s, fairly fit, and the big, hunky type. Dressed in well-fitting casuals – yes, Yuuri could see him being attractive.

“I guess? I didn’t know he was your type?”

Victor practically turned his nose up at that. “He’s _not_. I just thought he might be… yours. He _did_ have blonde hair and light eyes.”

He snickered quietly when it started to finally dawn on him what was happening.

“You think I just like whatever blondes I come across?”

“Well, I’m sure _he_ isn’t balding.” Victor spat, leaning back a little, making Yuuri tighten his hold.

“Victor… are you _jealous?_ ” he asked, unable to hide his laughter entirely.

The Russian looked half-pissed-off and half-embarrassed, before his expression shifted to resignation. Yuuri’s laughter died when he realised that Victor was _serious_ , that he was actually upset for some reason.

“He was good-looking. Manly. The same type as me. I noticed how well you got along and I just couldn’t help thinking…”

Yuuri shifted his hold so he could reach up with one hand. He gently cupped Victor’s cheek and ran a thumb along his cheekbone.

“I guess he was good-looking, but he’s not you. He’ll never _be_ you, and my type isn’t just whatever blue-eyed blonde I come across, okay?”

Victor hummed, relaxing considerably before wrapping his arms around Yuuri’s shoulders.

“Yuuri… you’re gay. I wonder sometimes, if I’m… okay like this.”

He paused for a second, trying to think about what he could say to reassure Victor. He’d made similar comments before and apparently, Yuuri hadn’t managed to convince him yet.

“Yes, I’m gay, and I’ve been attracted to you for a very long time. I honestly don’t care that you prefer to… present yourself like this. It doesn’t make me think of you any differently. You’re just… you.”

“And you’re not attracted to ‘manly’ guys?” Victor asked, his voice a tad accusative.

He sighed.

“Well, I am? But I’m attracted to lots of things. I’m also not just into blondes. You were the first blonde man I was ever attracted to.”

The first man in general, actually, but that wasn’t really making his point here.

His fiancé held him closer.

“You looked good next to him.” Victor said, as if he hadn’t heard a word Yuuri had said.

A little awkwardly, he reached for his phone, unlocked the screen, and opened his pictures app. He had a picture there favourited – just the one. He practically shoved the phone at Victor.

“I look better next to you. _Exactly like that._ ” He practically snapped, as Victor reflexively took the phone.

He knew what Victor was staring at – them, together in the limo, the evening Yuuri had taken him to that restaurant.

“Oh.” Victor whispered quietly before tossing Yuuri’s phone onto the bed. “Right. I’m being ridiculous, aren’t I?”

Normally, Yuuri would have assured him that he _didn’t_ , would have tried to validate his feelings, and all that… he decided to try a different approach. He leaned back a little and waited for Victor to look him in the eye.

“Extremely ridiculous, and dramatic, and absolutely _insane_ if you think for a second, I could be more attracted to some random guy than to you. I want to _marry you_. Do I need to remind you of that?”

He could see offense, gratitude and then amusement flash over Victor’s face before a sly grin settled there and Victor rubbed his nose against Yuuri’s, nudging his glasses a bit.

“Mhhh, maybe you do need to remind me. Just a bit. I _am_ very forgetful.” The Russian pouted.

Yuuri laughed and pulled him down to kiss him.


	44. Chapter 44

Much as both of them would have been happy to stay at home in their little bubble, they knew they couldn’t – they had competitions to get to. Victor had the European Championship, Yuuri had Four Continents – and then of course the lead-up to the GP. It would be the first one where they’d both compete… but that wasn’t even on Yuuri’s mind yet.

He’d been tense before Victor’s EC performance. As it turned out, he didn’t _need_ to be.

Obviously, Victor won, that wasn’t even a question, but something else happened too – he received a formal letter of apology from a representative of the RSU. Victor had called him, all excited, and had told him all about how the official had apologised for the treatment he’d received and how they’d sanctioned the involved parties.

Yuuri had immediately texted a thank you to Yakov… and had set out the copy of Skating International that had arrived for Victor while he was at the competition. The magazine had done a four-page spread on Victor, their interviews, and the incident at large – and they had firmly sided with Victor. Called him bold and iconic, actually. Yuuri was VERY proud of him.

On the flip side of the positives, Yuuri found himself asked more questions about Victor and his performances than his own when he did Four Continents.

Normally he didn’t mind gushing about Victor, but he was mindful of not crossing a line – not saying anything that Victor wouldn’t want him to. Especially since he was aware that Victor watched all of his interviews – just like he watched Victor’s.

Yuuri won Four Continents – however, with MUCH less of a lead than Victor did – he only had about two points on the next-placed skater, compared to Victor’s 14 at his competition.

Despite that, when a week later, the assignments for the GP came out, Yuuri was on the list.

He actually saw it first – he’d gone for a late run, and when he’d come back, Victor had been asleep. He’d checked the site out of habit… and there it had been, the list of competitors.

Yuuri was in the Cup of China and Skate Canada, Victor had the NHK Trophy and Skate America. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little disappointed they weren’t sharing any events… but then, he of course hoped to compete against Victor in the Finals.

He decided against waking Victor up with the news, preferring instead to have a quick shower and snuggle up against Victor’s back, fully planning to tell him the next morning.

Victor beat him to it – when he woke up, Victor was on his phone, eagerly tapping away, his expression beaming. Yuuri blinked up at him blearily.

“You’ve seen them?”

“Yuuri! Good morning! Yes! You’re in Skate Canada and the Cup of China! It’s a shame we don’t have an event together.”

He nodded and gently pressed his face against Victor’s hip – he didn’t like mornings.

“Yuri Plisetsky has an event with both of us.” Victor remarked casually.

“Oh?”

“Mhm… you know what that means, right?”

“Hm?” He didn’t.

Victor laughed. “Well, if we both beat him and he doesn’t at LEAST come in second in both competitions, he won’t qualify.”

Yuuri chuckled.

“I’m sure he will.”

The Russian hummed. “You say that, but Chris is in the NHK with me and Yuri… and that Canadian has Skate Canada with you and Yuri.”

“That… you mean JJ?”

“Sure.” Victor said, not even pretending to remember the name. “He’s been skating better than he did last season, actually. Yuri is up against a tough playing field.”

“Mh… where’s Phichit?”

Victor studied his phone. “Assigned to Skate America and the Rostelekom Cup.”

Yuuri smiled. “I’d ask you to go easy on him, but you couldn’t if you tried.”

Victor laughed. “Nor would I want to. Your friend is a good skater though. He’ll be fine.”

Yuuri nodded and pressed a kiss to Victor’s hip.

“Do we need to get up yet?” He asked, yawning quietly.

Victor chuckled and put his phone down before shuffling until they were lying face to face.

“Not _quite_ yet.” Victor mused, before closing the gap between them and pressing a kiss to Yuuri’s lips.

He hummed into it and, within moments, felt Victor tug at him, until he was laying on top of Victor, pressing him into the mattress.

Oh.

Well, that _definitely_ made mornings more bearable.


	45. Chapter 45

Having to go to his first competition before Victor was oddly… jarring. Skate Canada was the first of the six events… and Yuuri was the second competitor there. Yakov and Victor both came with him of course, but he felt under almost as much pressure as he had felt the year before, when he’d feared he’d lose Victor if he did badly.

He didn’t, anymore, but he still had his fears – the way it had worked out, Victor’s and his performances were a sort of pair, and he HATED the idea of not being able to… keep up.

Victor could tell, he knew, and he probably also could tell what it was that upset him so.

The night before the short, in their hotel room, Yuuri was a mess – and Victor cornered him.

“Yuuri, you’ll skate just fine tomorrow, you know that, right?”

He flinched so hard he nearly dropped the pillow he’d been fiddling with.

“I’ll do my best but I’m not sure if… if that’ll be enough.”

He was up against Yuri AND JJ – not to mention others like Leo and Guang Hong. It was anything but a done deal for him. In fact, if the loud proclamations he’d heard from his namesake were anything to go by, Yuri Plisetsky was MORE than certain that he’d beat Yuuri.

“You’re _always_ enough.” Victor promised, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Even if you came in last, which you won’t. You’ll do great.”

He sighed and stretched out on the bed.

“I feel like I still don’t have my motivation for my skates figured out.” He admitted.

Victor hummed and laid down beside him.

“I thought you said you did?”

“And I thought so too, but now I’m not sure. Victor… what am I skating? The counterpart to your performances? I’m not sure if I’m good enough for that.”

“I made your programs difficult on purpose.”

He knew that, obviously. “I feel like I’ll let you down if I don’t win. Like as if we danced and instead of lifting you up, I dropped you.”

Victor snickered. “We HAVE danced, and if you remember, not only did we do so spectacularly well, you didn’t drop me at all.”

“That’s…”

The other skater covered Yuuri’s mouth with a hand.

“Look, are you actually anxious or are you trying to come up with a justification for an anxiety that you don’t even feel?”

After a long moment, Victor drew his hand back.

That… was the dumbest thing he’d ever heard.

Right?

Right?

Right…?

He stared wordlessly at Victor, trying to somehow reconcile what Victor had said with what he was feeling. OF COURSE, he was nervous. He had anxiety. He was always anxious before competitions, and especially before important ones.

Except… except…

Was he?

“I…” He began, breaking off after a moment. What the fuck? “I’m going for a walk.” He quickly said before he could change his mind, and all but scrambled off the bed and straight out the door.

He ignored Victor’s concerned ‘Yuuri?’ behind himself.

He needed to think.


	46. Chapter 46

Thinking did not help. He came back from his walk to find Victor asleep in bed – he fell in right beside him. He could tell Victor woke up at one point, but mercifully didn’t say anything to him.

He thought he heard the Russian sigh, but he wasn’t sure – so, instead, he settled for cuddling up against his back and hoping for sleep to come.

It… did, surprisingly. He didn’t sleep _well_ , but he did sleep – more than expected, actually. They were almost late the next day, for warmups and his performance.

Victor was uncharacteristically silent the whole time, only commenting where he needed to correct something Yuuri did. Other than that, he was curiously silent, his face serious but not… angry or anything. It puzzled Yuuri – and then, before he knew it, he was up.

Leo had skated before him, and he’d done decently.

Still, it wasn’t him Yuuri was concerned with – it was Victor. He wasn’t really acting like himself… not until Yuuri was already on the ice, still watching him.

Victor took a few deep breaths before distractedly running his hand through his hair – he pulled out the tie and easily parted it the way he did at home – a much more feminine look than his ponytail was.

Yuuri watched with interest as Victor took off his suit jacket too – he was wearing a white shirt underneath, and Yuuri didn’t figure out why that was until he skated his last warmup circle around the rink – though it didn’t look it at a glance, the shirt wasn’t a men’s shirt at all. Victor had taught him the difference – the shirt had the buttons on the other side.

So, a women’s shirt then. That, and the hair… Yuuri hummed as he took his position in the middle.

What was Victor playing at?

The horn sounded, followed by the first note of his music… and just like that, it clicked. Yuuri’s performance was the counterpart to Victor’s… just like he was the counterpart to the man himself.

The _real_ man, not the façade.

Which meant, that what he was trying to do was remind Yuuri that he was skating for _them_ , not the audience.

Or rather, that Victor _was_ his audience.

A small smile stole onto his features. Why did his fiancé always have to be so extra? Couldn’t he just SAY that stuff instead of acting it out like in a play? Yuuri wasn’t always the fastest at picking that stuff up, after all.

He sighed as he jumped his first quad – he only had two, in his short. He landed it, almost absent-mindedly.

He loved Victor, but really, did the man always have to be so… so…

Yuuri sighed again, jumping into the second quad. He overstepped the landing, but he wasn’t bothered – it was going okay. Well, even, as far as he could tell.

And Victor… his eyes stole over to where he was standing by the edge of the rink.

Yuuri wanted to get it over with, go back into his arms - ideally on the ice, but he'd settle for rinkside if he had to.

He stepped into his next spin, willing the music to play faster.


	47. Chapter 47

“Ahhhh I can’t believe you still came in second after I even dressed up!” Victor moaned as he fell onto the bed several hours later.

Yuuri huffed. “It was only the short. You’re the one who always says the Free is where it matters.”

Victor grunted in response.

“Still! I was so nervous, and you just looked like you didn’t get it at all!”

“I didn’t, at first! Why didn’t you just… say? In words?”

The Russian rolled over on the bed, glaring over at Yuuri who was tidying away the shoes Victor had just kicked off when coming in.

“You already weren’t listening to me when I was telling you. What choice did I have?”

Well, he sort of had a point there. Not that Yuuri was going to admit that out loud.

Instead, he reached for Victor’s hand and bodily pulled him off the bed and into his arms – despite his earlier words, Victor was grinning happily when Yuuri embraced him and spun him through the room.

“What did _you_ think of my performance, coach?”

Victor pursed his lips, a mean glint in his eyes.

“Well, you obviously overstepped on your first qua-” Victor began, and Yuuri immediately leaned in, licking across his neck. The other man shut up with a gasp, before resuming again, immediately. “Then at the last spin, you were a bit too-”

Yuuri didn’t find out what he was ‘too’ – he nibbled on a spot on Victor’s neck that he knew made the other man go weak… this was no exception.

With a long groan, Victor gave up and exposed his neck to Yuuri’s lips.

“You were saying?” he mumbled, before kissing a path up to the shell of Victor’s ears.

The Russian chuckled. “I don’t seem to remember.”

“How unfortunate.” Yuuri commented, gently nudging Victor towards the bed and getting him to sit on the edge.

Victor gave him a playful look. “Yeah? You know this won’t work every time? Plus, eventually…” He broke off when Yuuri yanked on his shirt, ripping off the top two buttons. “ _Fuck_.” Victor gasped.

Yuuri grinned – Victor was right of course, but then, he normally appreciated his feedback. Just, there and then, he would rather appreciate something… else.

He pulled the remains of Victor’s shirt to the side, surprised at what he found – Victor had decided to wear one of the bras that Yuuri had bought him.

He paused and looked up at the other man, who was flushing a bit.

“Is that okay?” he asked tentatively.

It broke the mood a little, but Yuuri didn’t mind. He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Victor’s lips.

“Of course it’s okay. I love you, and you look great in this.” He assured him.

Victor smiled softly.

“There _is_ one issue though.” Yuuri admitted as he stared at his partner.

“Is it that you’re not naked enough?” Victor asked, winking at him.

Yuuri laughed despite himself, and shook his head even as he shrugged out of his clothes.

“No actually… I have no idea how to open a woman’s bra?”

Victor fell back on the bed, laughing a bit hysterically.


End file.
